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My brows knit together because that sounds especially personal and specific. “Uh, Em . . . what the hell are you talking about?”
She closes her eyes and breathes deeply, her fingertips and thumb pulling together in a yoga-esque motion. “Sorry. That part was my issue, not yours. There’s a new guy at the dealership who’s pushing all my buttons. He seems to think that because I have a vagina, I’m unqualified to sell sports cars and trucks. Despite the fact that I put up the best numbers in the state last quarter.” She waves her hand, refocusing on me, and though I’d love to go with the distraction she’s offering, I do need her help. Especially if I can be honest and tell her what really happened, racing and all.
“He told me I’m a good mechanic. He actually said I do miracles of engineering, and he used the words ‘brilliant’ and ‘amazing’ about me.”
“And . . . I’m not seeing how that leads to a Beerfest Bonanza on my couch.”
“He said I should tell Dad about the racing. That it would be a nice thing for him to know that he inspired me, that he’d be proud.” It feels uncomfortable to talk about myself like this, but I’m trying to give Emily the full picture.
“He’s right.” At my horrified expression, Emily adds, “Dad made this sweeping decree when he was hurting after Big John’s accident. Oh, he meant it, every word of it, but he loves you, and if he knew you’d been keeping this from him, he’d be devastated. What is your big plan there, anyway? To just keep hiding it forever?”
“Uh . . . yeah, abso-fucking-lutely.” Duh, that’s obvious.
“Continue. Get to the bad part, where he says something mean or does something stupid because so far, I’m not getting it.”
My face turns hot and fiery. “He didn’t. I did. I think.” I talk into the pillow. “I don’t know. Reed said I was a bitch.”
At that, Emily’s eyes jump wide. “Holy shit, what did you say? Reed is like the quintessential sweetheart who would never . . . but he did. What did you say?”
She’s on the verge of shaking me again so I spill it all. How Brody’s kind words had made me feel warm and fuzzy, and that had scared the shit out of me. How his encouragement to tell Dad everything had felt like another decree from someone else who thought they knew better than I do about my own life. How in my anger, I’d lashed out in the one way I’d known would hurt him the most.
Emily stays quiet, letting me get it all out. When I reach the end, she shakes her head. “So, let me get this straight. You, a known secret-keeper, let him in on your secret, which he’s kept. And he, an apparently quiet and non-sharing sort, showed you his soft belly about his family and his big hopes and dreams. And at the first sign of his not letting you walk all over him, which let’s be honest here . . . you like to test people that way . . . you went straight for his jugular and threw it all back in his face. That about sum it up?”
I nod sullenly. “Reed said I don’t know the half of it, though, said something about a Tannen Farm, but Brody’s never mentioned it. I don’t know . . . I feel like I don’t know anything.”
“Do you know that you have feelings for him?” Emily asks bluntly.
“We said casual. I’ve got the garage and racing and . . . I don’t have time. I can’t—”
Emily snaps her fingers in my face, cutting me off. “Excuses. You’ll notice that I didn’t ask if you have feelings for Brody. I asked if you know, because everyone else does. You’re the one sitting on the starting line well after the checkered flag dropped.” She grins. “That was good, yeah?”
I groan at the analogy that sounds like something Dad would say once upon a time. “It’s not NASCAR. It’s drag racing and you know it.”
“You know what you need to do?” Emily asks, leading me where she wants me. I’m so messed up that I even let her.
“Apologize?”
She laughs . . . hard. “Apologize? Oh, God, Rix, you are so clueless sometimes. I swear all the time with bros has done you no favors at all. Think . . . what do you need to do?” I blink, not following this time. With a sigh, she tells me. “Grovel. Girl, you need to apologize, grovel, and tell him that you freaked out because you have big, scary feelings for him that make you want to spend forever in his arms, have his beautiful babies, and watch sunsets on the porch when you’re both old and gray.”
