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“I don’t know,” she says again, bending down to scoop her pants off the floor.
“Five?” I ask. “Six? Eight? Twelve?”
Her hands shake with anger as she tries to step into her pants but they’re inside out. “Zero.” She says it so quietly, I can barely hear it.
“I’m sorry—” I cup my ear and lean forward. “One more time.”
“Zero!” She tosses the tangled-up pants to the floor. “There. Are you happy? It’s zero.”
I stay quiet, guilt stabbing at me as her face falls.
“That part of myself, I…” She shakes her head. “I gave up the idea that I could have a meaningful relationship a long time ago, Box. But it’s real nice to know that you had no trouble bouncing back.”
Fuck.
“I didn’t, actually.” Desperation oozes off my voice but I don’t care anymore. She deserves the truth and I’m an asshole for not telling it in the first place. “I lied before. It hasn’t been one or two…”
She knows I’m not lying but the anger doesn’t leave her forehead. “This was a mistake, Box.”
“Caleb, come on. Don’t go there yet…”
She picks up her pants again. This time, her hands are solid as rocks as she steps inside of them to cover herself up.
“Thanks for stopping by and letting me know about what’s going on—”
“Dammit, Cal—”
“You can see yourself out.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Caleb, please. Don’t walk out on us again.”
She stops. “Again?”
“Yes, again.” I hop out of the bed and grab my jeans off the floor. “Honey, I don’t know if you’ve been keeping track since the beginning, but I have and every single time we’ve separated, it was all your bright idea.”
“Oh, that is bullshit.” She points a finger at me. “Don’t put that on me. You’re as much to blame as I am.”
“I beg to differ,” I say, zipping my fly. “I’m all-in, Caleb. I always have been. You’re the one who lives with one foot off the bed. Also, you have absolutely no right to be upset even if I had been with anyone else. The only reason why you are upset right now is because you are latching onto the first possible excuse you can find to run away again.” Her expression changes but it’s not enough to shut me up. “You know what? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe we are still out in the desert. Feels awfully familiar in here.”
“Why are you still here?”
“Good fucking question.” I throw my shirt on and step into my shoes before grabbing my jacket off the floor. “I’m out.”
She stands still with her arms crossed over her chest like a damn wall.
This conversation is officially over. We’re officially over. Again.
“What’s my password?” she asks quickly.
Another dagger stabs my chest as I pull open the door. “It’s I love you,” I answer with my head down. I bend over to pick up my bag. “One word. All caps.”
I close the door behind me. Part of me wishes I’d looked back in time to see her reaction, but it wouldn’t have made a difference anyway. They’re just words. Words are about as meaningless to Caleb Fawn as wings on a catfish.
Just no fucking point.
Chapter 12
