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Marsha flips her off and she only sneers and storms off. I shake my head and go back to work, trying to stay focused, but it’s hard. Every time there’s a lull, I find myself fantasizing about Saul again, caught between wanting to hump his brains out and terrified of letting him into my world.
Everything is fragile. The bulwark I’ve built around Jason is like an eggshell. It keeps him safe, keeps him from having too many seizures, gives him a chance to have a normal life—but it can break at any time. And then there’s Nana with her bad hips. She’d be back at work killing herself if it weren’t for me forcing her to stay home. I’ve been right on the edge of losing everything for so long now that it’s like my default mindset.
Except Saul’s here now, and I don’t know what to make of that.
I get a text halfway through my shift. Can’t come home tonight. Family emergency. I’ll send a car to pick you up.
I text back, It’s fine, I can take the bus.
Which gets only one word in reply: No.
That’s the end of that. When my shift is over, the driver’s waiting for me out front, some nice older man that runs a private taxi service. He talks about his grandkids as he takes me back to Saul’s house.
No, my house. Now it’s also my house.
The place is empty when I get inside. I make myself leftovers and drift from room to room. The place is gorgeous, but it’s so big, and without Saul to suck up all the air and take up all the space, it feels overwhelming. I curl up on the couch and call Jason, mostly because I can’t stand not knowing what’s happening back at the apartment.
“Hey, I thought you were dead,” he says cheerfully.
“Still breathing, unlucky you.”
“Please, if your new guy ended up stealing all your organs, I’d have to deal with the funeral arrangements. What a drag.”
“I’ll keep my kidneys to spare you a little administrative work.”
“Thanks, I’d appreciate that. How are things over there, anyway?”
“They’re okay,” I tell him and that’s kind of true. It’s more complicated than that—I flirted with Saul on the phone earlier like a total moron, even though it felt really good—but I’m starting to acclimate to the house at least. “He’s working late so I’m alone tonight.”
“What a drag. Or you’re lucky? I don’t really know.”
“Want to come see the place? It’s really fancy. Like rich person fancy.”
He snorts. “Tempted, but I gotta study.”
“How’s Nana?”
“She’s the same as always. Smoking like a chimney. Want to talk to her?”
“Yeah, sure, put her on. You keep studying, okay?”
“Got nothing else to do. Okay, hold on, here she is.” There’s the sound of rustling then Nana’s voice.
“Hi, hon, how are you?”
“Bored,” I admit.
“That new husband of yours not taking care of you?”
“He’s just not home, that’s all.”
She shouts something away from the receiver and I hear Jason’s laughing reply. “What a shame. You’re stuck in a fancy house while your new rich husband is off doing whatever he does.”
“Sports gambling.”
“Uh-huh, sure. Well things are fine here, in case you were wondering. Tell Saul I want more cigarettes.”
“You’re out already?”
