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“And how’s that?”
I kiss her again, and this time I drag her upstairs with me. She’s laughing when I push her onto the bed, which I note is very much not rumpled or even touched yet, and strip off her clothes. I keep wondering if the worries will come back, but they remain at bay, evaporated for the night. I can focus on her, on my wife, on her body, on her voice and her moans, on her needs. I give her as much as I can—which is a hell of a lot.
Chapter 19
Molly
I’m a routine girl. Nana used to give me shit for it all the time. I like my life in order: wake up, brush teeth, make coffee, do it all again tomorrow. I’m shocked at how quickly I fall into old habits with Saul and how normal it all feels. I never expected to forget that I’m married to a mobster, to a guy I barely know, to a freaking Italian underboss.
Except to me, he’s only my husband.
I work at the diner. He drops me off when he can and picks me up when he’s around, but otherwise he makes sure there’s a driver waiting for me on both ends. I visit Nana every other day and talk to Jason on the phone all the time. They’ve adapted to life without me, though I suspect the constant groceries and cigarettes are making a difference.
And the strangest thing starts to happen. Saul comes with me when I stop over at their apartment, and he actually stays to hang out with Jason sometimes. They play videogames together, which is hilarious, watching my big, brutal husband with that little controller in his hands. Jason says he stinks, but neither of them seems to mind. They’re becoming friends, and a little frozen piece of my heart starts to thaw.
Things are so damn good until one afternoon.
“You don’t always have to fuss when you’re over here, you know,” Nana says as I do the dishes.
“Were you going to get up and clean?”
“I have a bad hip.” She jabs a cigarette in my direction. I wish she wouldn’t smoke when I’m around, but she’s not capable of it. “Jason’s going to do it later.”
“Uh-huh, right, I’ll believe that when I see it.”
“It’s true. The boy rose to the occasion since you shacked up with your little husband.”
“Little?” My eyebrows raise. “You’ve seen Saul, right?”
She cackles and waves me away. “You know what I mean. Jason’s been downright helpful.”
“I have to say, I am surprised to hear it.”
“I think he’s capable of more than we’ve given him credit for.”
I smile to myself. Jason’s always been pampered. He’s the baby in the family, and he’s got a serious disease. I’ve worked my ass off to make sure he can have a normal life, but there have been a few times when I wondered if maybe I took it too far. I mean, he could do his own damn laundry sometimes. But Nana says he’s taking care of all that and more.
Which makes me proud. I worried about what would happen to this apartment with me gone, but apparently Jason stepped up.
When I’m done with the dishes, I head into the other room to check on the boys, but before I get halfway there, I hear the thump of something heavy hitting the floor.
Saul’s voice: “Jason? Fuck, hold on, I got you.”
I run around the corner. I know that sound. When I come into the living room, Jason’s on the floor in front of the couch. Saul has Jason on his side with a pillow under his head, while Jason’s making a strange, repetitive groan sound, his body twitching and stiff, the muscles completely out of control. His face is slack, his eyes rolled back, and Saul’s speaking softly, being as soothing and comforting as he can be.
“I got you, man, I got you. You’re all good. It’s just a seizure. It’ll pass. I promise, it’ll pass.”
I run to them. Saul looks up and there’s a deep, incredible sense of calm in his expression. I don’t know how the hell he’s not freaking out—Jason’s seizures are terrifying, at least to people who haven’t experienced them before—but Saul’s doing everything right. He’s not restraining Jason, he’s not shoving things in his mouth, he’s just making my brother comfortable and being as calming as he can.
Together, Saul and I watch over Jason, waiting for the worst of it to pass. Saul reaches out and puts a hand on top of mine and I blink away tears, biting my lip hard. I haven’t reacted like this to a seizure in a while, but there’s something about Saul’s presence. He’s not acting like this is the end of the world. I hate when people act like my brother’s a sick freak. Instead, the empathy in his expression is almost painful while we wait for Jason to come back to himself.
The seizure ends slowly. He blinks rapidly and rolls onto his back, the sound gone, the twitching stopped. Jason stares at the ceiling and rubs his face with both hands,
“I’m on the floor,” he says and looks at me. “Had one, huh?”
“Bad one,” I confirm.
“Shit.” He tries to sit up and Saul helps him. “Ah, shit. You saw that, didn’t you?”
