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When I saw the way Saul was handling Jason, a feeling clicked into place. It was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen a man do before—which is kind of bizarre, I’m fully able to admit that—but it unlocked an emotion I’ve been trying to avoid. All this time, I’ve been terrified of getting too close to Saul, because I thought it might mean that I’d let down my family in some way.
I was so freaking wrong.
He’s good for them. Nana seems happier, less stressed, and Jason’s got someone to help look after him. I don’t need to do it all alone anymore. My little brother’s stepping up to shoulder some of the burden, and my new husband’s handling all the rest.
Before Saul, I felt like I was grinding my way through each day, barely surviving, holding on just to hold on some more.
Now I can breathe. I have space to move around. I can stretch, laugh, plan for the future.
And I don’t have to be afraid.
It’s strange how the fear has always been there, and the absence is like waking up on a lazy Sunday morning. I’m opening my eyes for the first time in what feels like forever.
Chapter 20
Molly
My diner shifts get a lot easier once the morning sickness starts to fade. I manage to make it an entire week without praying at the porcelain shrine. Marsha’s still helpful, but at least I don’t need to run to the bathroom all the time. Even Cathy can’t complain about that.
About a week after Jason’s seizure, Saul picks me up from work. “I thought you were busy with the guys?” I get into the passenger seat and rub my sore knee. “This is a nice surprise.”
“I wanted to show you something.” He leans over and kisses me. “Also, I love the diner uniform.”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t tell me you have a kink?”
“I have a lot of kinks. This isn’t necessarily one of them, but if you hike that skirt up a bit?—”
“Hands off, pervo,” I say, laughing as I knock away his roving hands.
He pulls out and I tell him about my day as we head back to our neighborhood. Instead of going to the house though, he heads down a block and pulls over in front of a unit I don’t recognize. It’s around the corner from our place, barely a ten-second walk, and looks identical to all the houses around it.
“What’s this?” I ask, following him out.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about our situation.” He walks up the stoop and stops in front of the door.
I cross my arms. “Is this like a Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter situation? We’re going to live in separate houses now?”
“I’m pretty sure they knocked down the wall between them.”
“You know what I’m saying.”
He’s shaking his head at me as he unlocks the door and steps inside. “Just come on.”
“If you’re trying to pawn me off, I’m not interested. I’ve gotten used to a certain standard of living. I like having a warm bed. You’re like a big heater.”
“Please, you like regular sex. Now stop making jokes.”
The foyer is big and bright. The house was clearly flipped into apartment units. There’s a ground-level door and stairs leading up to the next level. He goes straight to the first unit, unlocks it with another key, and pushes it open.
The apartment’s big and airy. Large windows overlook an alley. A wall lends the back yard a little privacy. The kitchen’s old and needs updating, and some of the floors could use work, but the bones are fantastic. There are two big bedrooms and two full bathrooms.
“I’m still not sure why you’re showing me this,” I say as I look out the back door and into the small yard. It’s mostly a cement slab, but there’s room for a little garden. “Are we going to be landlords now?”
“In a manner of speaking.” He leans up against the kitchen counter and studies me as I close the door and lock it. “I’ve been thinking about your situation.”
“Stop right there. If you think I’m going to stay here with the baby and raise it all alone, you’re out of your mind. I absolutely plan on making you do night feedings.”
He laughs and grabs my hand, pulling me against him. “And I plan on doing them too. Why won’t you let me talk?”
