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“Then you’re dead to me.” Renzo’s voice is steady, but his words are like fire. I take a step back, surprised at how quickly he decided to write me off. No discussion, no argument, nothing.
“Bro,” Carlo says, sounding surprised. “Renzo, the fuck?”
But Renzo silences him with a hand. “You lied to me. You married an Irish girl without telling anyone. You got her pregnant and you hid her like a fucking rat. Our family is built on trust and loyalty, and you showed that not only are you willing to break both of those bonds, but you don’t believe your own brothers are worthy of them. You are dead to me, and because I am the Rossi Famiglia, you are dead to the Rossi Famiglia.”
“Renzo,” Gian says now, half standing, but Renzo silences him with a snarl.
“Shut the fuck up, both of you.” He turns his gaze back to me, and I finally see the man behind the Don’s mask. “You hurt me. I made you my underboss because of everyone in this fucking organization, I thought you understood. The Famiglia asks for everything, and it fucking gets everything. I thought we were in this together, but I was wrong.”
My fingers twitch. They feel numb. I shift my weight and stretch my neck. I feel like I’m going to crumble, like I’m going to crack and break. This is the worst-case scenario. This is everything I was afraid might happen.
“I love her,” I tell him. That makes his head cock to the side. I push forward. “This isn’t some fling. I didn’t marry her out of obligation or honor. I married her because I love her, and I’m staying with her because I love her. I kept her from you because I knew you couldn’t accept her, and I also knew that if you made me choose, I’d choose her, and I didn’t want to have to go there yet.”
“You should have been honest with me. At least then we could have discussed this like men.”
“No, Renzo, because there’s no discussion with you. Maybe with my brother, but not with the Don.”
“There’s no difference anymore.”
I step forward and spread my arms. I tilt my chin up, showing him my throat. “I’ve given everything to you,” I say and feel like my chest has been ripped open. If I could slap my bloody, bleeding heart on his desk, I would. “You know that. Those two fucks call me the hero, like the goddamn gym class hero, because of how hard I’ve tried to be perfect for this family. I’ve killed myself my entire life, first for Dad, and then for you. This family is everything to me.”
Renzo’s expression doesn’t change. The pressure of my whole life shoves down on my shoulders. Everything I’ve done, all the sacrifices I’ve made, they’re right here in the room with me. I can see them like ghosts. Some haunt, some mock, some make me want to shrivel with shame, but I’d do them all over again if given the choice.
“I always put the family before myself,” I say, dropping my hands to my side. “Always, my entire life, until Molly. For once, I found something worth breaking all the rules for. I love her, Renzo, and she’s carrying my baby. I can’t live without her. I won’t live without her. If you need to throw me out, then do it, but don’t think for a second that’ll change my mind. I’ve given so much, and I don’t regret any of it, but I won’t sacrifice her, too. Not even for you.”
Renzo’s lips twitch. I turn my back, body aching. I hate him, but most of all, I hate myself and this damn situation. I glance over at Carlo and Gian, and both of my brothers look aghast. Gian’s staring at Renzo with rage in his eyes, and Carlo’s pale white like he doesn’t know what to do. I want to comfort them. I want to tell them it’s okay. A part of me can die today, but I’ll still have her.
“Get out, Saul.” Renzo’s voice is steady. There’s no room for argument. “I made my decision.”
“Fuck you, bro.” Carlo gets to his feet. “This is fucking bullshit.”
“Sit the fuck down, Carlo, or I swear I’ll throw your ass out too.”
“Oh, go fuck yourself, you self-righteous little prick. Dad never should’ve named you Don. Made you way too fucking full of yourself.” Carlo storms to the door and shoves it open. He gestures at me. “You coming?”
I glance back at Renzo. His face hasn’t changed. I want to make him understand that I’d do anything for him—anything except give her up.
“Yeah, I’m coming.” I follow Carlo into the hall. Gian follows and refrains from cursing out the Don, even though it’s clear he wants to.
“What a stubborn cock,” Carlo says, stomping down the hall. He whirls on me, holding a finger in my face. “You really love that girl? You actually meant all that sappy shit in there?”
I laugh once. “Yeah, man. I meant it.”
“Good. You better have or else he’s right to kick your ass out.” Carlo drops his hand. “What a fucking shitty situation.” He storms off again and doesn’t look back this time.
Gian’s hand squeezes my shoulder. “We’ll work on him.”
“I don’t think there’s any room left for change in Renzo anymore,” I say quietly, shaking my head.
“He thinks too much like the Don and he forgot that he’s still our brother, but we’ll work on him.”
“Thanks. That means a lot.”
“For now, why don’t you introduce me to your wife?” Gian’s smile is the most genuine thing I’ve seen in a while, and I can’t explain how much it means to me.
Even if this is the last time I’ll get to be in this place around these people for a very long time.
Chapter 30
