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One that I have to fix.
I picked up the flowers and put them near my apartment window so they could get some sun, and then I internet searched the words Stockholm Syndrome just to be sure.
The results were inconclusive…
Doing things that are out of character for yourself.
Having unprotected sex with the man I hate… check.
2. Feelings of depression or helplessness.
I feel helpless in avoiding me jumping him again. Does that count?
3. Behavior that leads to self-harm.
I had sex with Slade Matthews in a parking lot… actions of self-harm? 100%!
4. Feelings that others might not understand your relationship.
If the look on Tessa’s face when she caught us in the car says anything… I think she’s a bit confused. But the person who most certainly doesn’t get this sexual frustration I have with Slade… is me.
5. Feelings of anxiety or shame.
I don’t feel either of those. Though a little bit of guilt rose up the following day when I thought about how I was waiting for Win to be ready to meet up but screwed someone else a few nights ago.
Not that Win and I have any agreement or have discussed exclusivity. I mean, we haven’t even met in person yet. And he did drop me out of the blue one day and disappeared four years ago. There’s no guarantee that he won’t just do it again.
Besides, Win could have been doing the same thing that night with some woman he met at the bar in the passenger side of her car, too. It’s certainly possible.
Still, it doesn’t change the fact that I have feelings for Win, and at the same time, something I can’t explain is happening between Slade and me.
It's silly to consider that I have to pick between two men. Win has always been there for me—the shelter in my worst storm, and Slade… well, he’s not even a contender. Not that he’s asked to be one. He’s just there—showing up around every corner with his sexy finger-swept hair, chiseled jawline, and piercing hazel green eyes.
And those lips.
God, I can’t forget about those lips that kissed me like he’s been dying to do it for years.
No wonder the rumors about girls getting addicted in college and stalking him started circulating. I can see how it can happen to any unsuspecting woman who doesn’t know him like I do.
The team left for their first round of playoff games in Colorado the morning after the night at the bar, which has spared me from the inevitably awkward interaction with Slade in the halls of the Hawkeyes' stadium for the last few days. After tonight's game in Denver, they’ll be on a flight back home for the next two playoff games at home, and I won’t be able to avoid him then.
My phone dings with an instant message from Win as I set my phone down in my kitchen to start the BBQ wings I’m making for the girls, who should be showing up any minute for the puck drop starting in thirty minutes.
WinTheDay067: I’m headed into a meeting, but I just wanted to check in with you today. Yesterday you said your birthday sucked, but you didn’t say why. Anything you want to talk about? I have a couple of minutes before I have to silence my phone.
He’s going to a meeting at seven o’clock in the evening.
It seems odd, but I still have no idea what he does. Maybe he’s a computer programmer who works for a foreign country on a different time schedule than us. That’s plausible, right?
I stare down at my phone as I drop the chicken wings in a bowl and dump a whole container of BBQ sauce on them, stirring them around until everything is well coated.
Do I want to tell Win what happened the night of my birthday?
Not particularly.
