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Hallie had a lot on her mind, and all of it was bothering her. She hadn’t told him how she’d waited almost a week to send that tip about Blake, nearly costing the man his life. She also dreaded telling him, this absolute gorgeous specimen of a man, that she was awful at sex. It was one of the other things Finn had teased her about relentlessly that she’d purposefully left out when telling Caden about what a zinger guy was.
But tonight, she just wanted to sleep, and getting to do that in Caden’s arms was the best feeling in the world. There was something nagging at her though. “I’m okay, but...Caden?”
“I’m here.”
“You said something at the store I want to ask you about.”
He took in a deep breath, as if expecting her to ask for the codes to some secret bunker.
“You said you had a tough couple of weeks, and then Orly kind of said the same thing. Did something happen?”
His whole body stiffened at her question and he lay quietly, just holding her for a long moment.
“You don’t have to tell me,” Hallie finally said, feeling like sleep might finally be within reach.
“One of my colleagues was killed. I had to tell his very pregnant wife that her husband wouldn’t be coming home to her...after he died in my arms.”
Hallie gasped. “Oh my God, Caden, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.”
He tightened his hold on her and turned his head until his lips touched her temple. “It was just one more thing…” He whispered, squeezing his eyes shut for a brief moment and holding her just a little tighter. “It was just one more thing meant to show me that even if you give the badge everything you’ve got, it’ll still find a way to take more.”
Hallie didn’t know what to say to that. She thought she’d had a hard week, and she didn’t think Orly had exaggerated about Caden being miserable, but this was worse than Hallie could’ve imagined.
Caden sighed, his warm breath tickling her temple and wisping at her hair. “His funeral is tomorrow, but I can’t go. I can’t face his wife again, see his family, and all those people, crying, mourning....” His voice broke off and he was still again. So quiet, all she could hear was his heart beating in his chest. She remembered Caden telling her about his brother, and how he’d been shot. How lonely and angry that had left him.
“I could go with you,” Hallie offered. “I mean, if you change your mind about going.” Hallie hated funerals as much as anyone, but being able to say goodbye was important. Whoever this agent was that died in Caden’s arms had a profound effect on him. Hallie would never presume to tell Caden what to do, but she honestly felt like going to the man’s funeral would help give Caden some kind of closure.
Caden turned on his side to face her, and for the first time she saw the moisture glistening in his eyes. “How am I here with you right now? By all accounts, I should be alone in my dark apartment, going through this shit on my own like I always do. But instead, here I am with you, the most amazing woman I’ve ever known, lying so trustingly in my arms, offering to shoulder the grief and pain with me of someone she’d never even met.”
Hallie nibbled on her bottom lip as she met Caden’s gaze. “You’d do it for me.”
He sighed. “In a heartbeat. But that’s different. I’m the guy with the badge. The strong one. The warrior. I’m not supposed to need…”
“Help?” She suggested.
He nodded solemnly, and she caressed his cheek, letting his stubble tickle her fingers. “We all need help sometimes, and I don’t think any badge can protect you from that. I don’t think it’s supposed to. It only gives you the power that you give it. Otherwise, it’s just a pretty hunk of metal.”
He ran a soft finger over her cheek and across her jawline, sending tingles down her body. “I want to kiss you again.”
“Okay.” She said, almost too eagerly. The thought of kissing this man again, in her bed, was more than appealing to her.
He laughed, his eyes suddenly dancing with a mischievous joy. “I can’t. We’re here just to sleep, and if I kiss you, I can’t promise I won’t want more, and I will never pressure you into anything you’re not ready for.”
Oh boy. It’s not that she was against having sex, she was just gun-shy. Her first boyfriend had been too rough and made it hurt, and Finn had only been out for himself. After all his teasing and comments about her being a cold fish in bed, she wasn’t exactly excited about the prospect of showing that part of herself to the very sexy man lying next to her.
Still, Hallie couldn’t help but melt a little at his reverence to her wishes. She lifted her head off the pillow and placed a quick and gentle kiss on his cheek. “There,” she said. “I kissed you, and we’re both still fully clothed.” She giggled, and he smiled, his eyes smoldering with desire. It would’ve been unsettling, but Hallie knew Caden would never hurt her. Instead of fearful or nervous, he made her feel alive. On a whim, she climbed up on top of him, straddling her legs on either side of his hips as he shifted to lie on his back.
“You’re playing a dangerous game, Hales.” He warned, still smiling, his eyes glowing with affection and joy as his hands went to her hips.
She’d never been confident or bold in bed, but Caden was bringing this fun, spunky side out of her and she was going with it. “What are you going to do about it?” She teased playfully.
He folded his hands behind his head as he gazed up at her with more lust than she’d ever garnered out of any man in her life. “That depends. What do you want me to do?”
Sitting on him like this, Hallie felt like she was on top of the world. It wasn’t about dominance or power. She just felt safe, like her whole world hadn’t been shattered just a few hours ago. Her bed had a gorgeous man in it, instead of the usual energy of her glimpses that made her toss and turn, trying to escape them.
She smiled, then lowered herself until her head rested on his chest, her cheek pressed up against the soft cotton of his t-shirt. “This,” she whispered, her eyes closing into a blissful sleep.
***
