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"It's only understandable." I cover her hand with mine and she stiffens slightly. I don't remove it, because I want her to see that she's safe around me. She must know that I’ll never hurt her.
"Every time I close my eyes, I see him."
"We should maybe mention this to the doctor. They might be able to give you something for the anxiety. It might help you sleep."
"I doubt it. It might harm the baby."
The baby. This is the first time she's mentioned the baby since the scan. I want to talk to her about everything, but I don't want to push her.
"Have you made any decisions about the baby?"
She bites her lip and her eyes fill with tears. "I've been around babies with no families. I've been around women in my position, Caleb, and they didn't have the option to terminate. In third world countries, they must live with it. Men take from these women time and time again. It’s heartbreaking. I've always been against abortion, and I can't imagine killing a healthy baby, even under these circumstances. But I'm scared if I have it, I'll hate it every time I look at it. That makes me sound horrible. How can I hate my child?"
"A baby is usually made from love. This little one was conceived under unbelievable circumstances. I think what you’re feeling is natural. I can only imagine what you're going through. Just know that, whatever you decide, I'll be here to help and support you."
"What if my family can't tolerate it because of how it was created?"
“I haven't been around your family much for a lot of years, but if they're still like they were, they'll love him or her, because it's a part of you. It’s your baby."
"How can I tell it who the father is when it asks?"
I’ve wanted to ask her questions all day, and tonight it’s like the lid has come off and she’s asking all the difficult questions. Questions no one can predict the outcome of. Questions I don’t know how to answer.
I shrug. "I honestly don't know, sweetheart. You won't always be a single mom, and that might be enough to get you out of that difficult conversation. "
"I doubt I'll ever be in a relationship again. Not only do men repulse me, but who would want someone so broken and damaged?”
I lift my hand to her cheek and wipe away some tears. "You're beautiful. You're kind. Smart. Funny. Any guy will be lucky to have you in their life. Just think about yourself right now, because everything else will fall into place in time. I'll make sure of it. "
I hold my arm open for her to lie beside me. I'm glad when she lifts up her head and lets me place my arm around her carefully. I feel her snuggle into me, grasping my t-shirt tightly. It’s like when she has a piece of my clothing in her hands, she feels safe.
"Get some sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up."
I'm not sure if I'll get any sleep tonight, but I feel more relaxed having Aria cuddled up beside me. I'll be damned if I'll ever let anything ever happen to her again. I won't settle until I find that bastard and make him pay for his actions.
