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"That sounds good."
I place a kiss on her head and leave her sitting to draw her a bath.
I wish I had a magic wand to make everything right, but that's never going to happen any time soon. We need to focus on today, and just work through every little issue as it arises. One baby step at a time is the only way we’re going to get through the coming days, weeks, and possibly months.
***
I walk back into my house after speaking with Al in my office. I reluctantly left Aria with Clay, drawing up some pictures we can work with. Clay practically pushed me out the door and told me to get a grip, because I was falling apart before his very eyes. I’m only at my happiest when I can see Aria beside me. Any other time I’m on edge and not thinking straight. My head is all over the place.
My mood hasn't improved at all today, because the police have nothing. The crime scene is clear. They can't find where Aria came from, and the prick who is guilty of these crimes is nowhere to be seen. This case is going to drag out to the bitter end. I can feel it in my blood.
I throw my keys down on the side table at the front door. I hear Aria and Clay talking and I slow down to listen in. I hate eavesdropping, but if it gives me a better insight into how Aria’s feeling now, well, I’ll do anything.
"I feel empty, Clay. I want to be strong, but then I remember everything I've been through, the future I face, and then I crumble. I feel like an emotional wreck and I hate it. I hate it all," she cries.
"This is all expected, sweetheart. I've worked enough rape cases to know that these feelings are totally normal. You've lost a year of your life, faced the unimaginable, and now you've got the hard job of living with it all. It's early days, but when you're ready, we advocate for a charity called Women Matters. Its aim is to help rape victims move forward. They hold workshops and meetings where you can discuss certain issues with people who know exactly what you're going through. Just let me know when you're ready and I'll set it up for you."
"I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to discuss it with strangers, but thank you, Clay. Talking with you and Caleb has been a big help. I don’t want to be a burden on you all."
"Hey, you’re not a burden. You’re as good as family, and if you can’t help family there is something wrong.” I hear a chair scraping across the floor. “And we'll be here for you whenever you need us. Have you thought about what to do about your parents? "
"I can't tell them yet. I need to work it out in my own head first. It isn't just me to think about now.”
"I take it you've decided what you're doing about the baby?"
I walk into the living room to see Aria nodding. "It isn't the baby’s fault. I don't have it in me to end a life, Clay. Enough lives have been lost and ruined at the hands of that monster."
"For what it's worth, I think you're making the right decision."
“Really?” Aria looks up from her hands. “You’re the only person who has said that to me. Thank you.”
“You know me, sweetheart. I say it how I see it. I’ve never changed. In fact, I’m sure my family will tell you that I’ve gotten worse.”
I've heard enough. I clear my throat and say, "Hi."
Clay sits up straight, still holding Aria’s hands in his. "The wanderer returns," he jokes.
I sit on the arm of the couch and hold my hands on my knees to keep them from moving nervously. "How's it going?"
Clay hands me his handheld device with a sketch on it. "I've emailed it to Amber for her to circulate. Al will get a copy ASAP."
I study the picture carefully, locking it into my memory. The man is shabby-looking. Scruffy. Eyes narrow. Round face. Rough hair. It's not someone you'd forget. It's not someone I've come across before either. I don’t forget faces. Call it another attribute of being an ex-cop. Many faces plague my nights when I can’t sleep.
"Al has a partial print from a piece of fabric wrapped around one of the victim’s wrists. He's run it through every database known to us, but nothing."
My shoulders sag. It seems like with every little lead we get, something comes along and washes it away.
"We’re never going to find him." Aria stands up and paces towards the patio doors.
"We will find him. That I promise you."
"Stop!" she yells at me and grabs her ribs. "Stop promising me things you have no control over. Some things can’t be fixed, Caleb."
Clay and I glance over at each other. We’ve been expecting these outbursts; it just hurts like fuck to see them.
I remain seated. "Do you know how many cases we've lost or failed at?"
I don’t want to be egotistical, or sound too over the top, but maybe if she sees how well-established our company is, she’ll start to see that I’m not just telling her things to make her feel better.
