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I shake my head. “No. I’m good.”
He nods. “Okay then.” He looks reluctant to leave, and I really don’t want him to leave either. “Goodnight, short stuff.” He pushes off the doorframe to leave.
“Clay,” I say quickly.
He looks over his shoulder and raises his eyebrows.
“Stay. Come and sit down.” I pat the bed beside me.
He walks over to me slowly, sits on the edge of my bed, and squeezes my leg through the covers.
“You okay?”
I nod again. “You’ve turned into a good family man, Shaw.”
Clay laughs and rubs at his chin. “Yeah, I guess I have. It’s good for the soul, babe.”
I only have his word for that, but I will never take family for granted again.
“What’s running through that head of yours?” He tilts his head to look at me.
“You always could read me well.” I reach over and take his hand in mine. “I don’t know, I think I’m just overwhelmed by everything. Looking around at what you’ve done for yourself, this could be me, but I threw it all away for a job that consumed me.”
“You never threw anything away. I’m still here. I might have been a civilian for a lot longer, but you can catch up. That’s if you want that.”
“I do. I want it all, but I’m not sure how, Clay. Our lives are so different. You’re settled. I’m a mess. I can’t even look after myself.”
“You don’t need to look after yourself. You have a family that wants to help. So, tell me what’s really going on.” Clay moves closer to me and places his hand on my cheek. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
I lean forward and bring our mouths together, taking what I need. I know it’s selfish because I don’t have much to offer Clay right now, but I need to feel this connection with no interruptions.
We remain connected for the longest time. Clay’s hand tightens in my hair, but he pulls back and leans his head against mine. “God, I’ve missed you, honey. I thought I’d only have this connection again in my dreams.”
“You dreamed about me?” I ask with a smile.
“All the damn time. You consumed my thoughts awake and asleep.”
“Nice to know.” I look into Clay’s eyes. His pupils are dilated, sparkling from the glow of the lamp beside me. “Stay with me, Clay. In this bed. Don’t leave.”
“Is that what you want? Because I’m not going anywhere. I want you to take this at your own pace.”
“I won’t sleep without you beside me, Clay.”
“I don’t think I’ll sleep upstairs knowing you’re down here either.”
“What are you waiting for?”
Clay stands up and rounds my bed. He climbs in beside me and I nestle into his arms. I’ve never felt as safe and protected as I do right now.
“Clay.”
“Yeah.”
“I used to dream about you, too.”
“Good to know, babe. Now get some sleep.” He reaches over and turns off my bedside lamp, and I close my eyes instantly. It doesn’t take long for the warmth and the beating of Clay’s heart to settle me into a peaceful slumber.
