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Drew
My heart is pounding, my palms are sweaty, and my body is humming with nerves. I honestly never thought this day would come as I sit and wait for an update on Harper's progress. Her doctor was very vague on the phone, but he said he had a space free this afternoon if I wanted to come in and see him. It gave me time to get a haircut and straighten myself up. I’m just hoping he doesn’t pick up on how much of a mess I've turned into over the last two weeks. I think when I see for myself that Harper is okay, that will be the best pick me up. The unknown is a killer. It’s okay people telling me to be strong; to eat and keep healthy for Harper, but they don’t know what it feels like when your world is falling apart. They don’t know how hard it is to get up and face another day. I really hope they never do understand.
“Drew...” the door opens, and the doctor looks like he’s floating towards me as he moves with grace. “Hi. Thank you for coming in this afternoon. How are you?”
I shake my head. “I’ve been better. How’s Harper?”
“It hasn’t been easy. She is still a long way away from the person she once was, but I think over the last few days we’ve turned corners. She’s engaging in conversation. She’s left the room and taken part in art. In fact, when I passed the creative room, she was set up in front of the window, painting.”
Tears spring to my eyes, but this time, it’s happy tears. “She is a very talented artist. We have a space at home to convert into a studio.”
A lightbulb flicks on in my head, and that’s what I plan on doing when I get home. Setting up Harper's studio. It will give her a safe space. Somewhere she wants to go.
“How is she otherwise? Physically, mentally? When can I see her?”
“That’s why I got you here. I wanted to get your thoughts before I brought this to Harper. But while I’ve been working with her, the main thing holding her back is questions. I was thinking about asking her gynaecologist if he could come and spend some time going over why what happened to Harper happened, and what she can do going forward if she wants to try again. This would maybe allow Harper to see that she isn’t to blame for Angel's death.”
My heart beats faster at the sound of Angel’s name. It's not something I’ve heard out loud since Harper has been in here, because everyone around us is frightened to use her name in case they say the wrong thing.
“Where do I come into this? How can I help?”
“I thought it would be good, if Harper agrees, for you to be there through this session.”
I nod. “Absolutely. Just tell me a time and a place and I’ll be there. In the meantime, can I see my wife?”
“I’m going to bring up visiting at tomorrow's session. I will call you as soon as I’ve finished.”
I take in a deep breath and hold it. I hate this. I feel like Harper is locked in a prison. It’s not fair. We're young. We should be living our lives to the fullest. I just hope we can do that one day. We have so many items on our bucket list that we never got around to ticking off.
***
“Tell me everything, sweetheart,” says my mum as she hands me a coffee across the table and puts down a plate of cakes she baked fresh this morning.
“I don't know what to say, Mum. The doctor thinks Harper has turned a corner. He wants to set up a meeting with the doctor who worked with Harper when she lost Angel. He thinks it’s beneficial to her healing.” I shrug because I’m not sure how reliving all of that will help, but what do I know?
“That all sounds like positive steps.”
I don’t think I’ll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel until I see with my own eyes that Harper is making progress. It’s good to hear positivity from the doctor, but it’s not the same as witnessing it.
“That brings me to why I'm here. Harper has been painting again, and I need a loan of Dad's decorating table. I thought I’d paint the room she wanted as a studio and get all her equipment out of the garage. It might give her something to focus on when she comes home.”
“It’s a great idea. And I’m so glad to see you thinking a little clearer. I thought I had lost you, baby.”
I look at my mum with tears glistening in my eyes and take a drink of my coffee.
“You don’t have to be brave around me, Drew. I’m your mother and I’ve wiped those tears away more times than I can count. As long as my heart beats, I’ll be here for you.”
“Thanks, Mum,” I croak. “When this is all over, I think we all need a holiday.”
“There’s my boy.” She reaches over and caresses my cheek, just like she used to do when I was a child. “That sounds like a wonderful idea. Sun, sand, sea, and sangria. What more could we ask for?”
I smile at my mum and wrap my hands around the warm coffee cup in front of me.
Up until now, I’ve been too stuck in my head to see how much this ordeal has affected our nearest and dearest. It isn’t only me and Harper who are hurting, everyone is. Everyone needs an end to this mess.
Chapter 10
Harper
