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“What are you saying, Harper?”
“I’m going to go and stay with my parents for a while, just until I can build up my strength and confidence.”
I’m not sure what to say. Do I understand this? Probably. I mean, I’m not an unreasonable person, I’ll go along with anything Harper needs, but am I fully, one hundred percent okay with it? We have so many hurdles in our way, and I need a gust of wind to come and knock them out of the way before I get whiplash.
“Drew. Are you still there?”
I clear my throat. “Yes. I’m here. Erm. Whatever you need to do for yourself.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes. Can I speak to you again later? I have a call due to come through from work to arrange my starting back date.”
“Yes, of course. Take care, Drew.”
“You too.”
Her last words to me sounded awful, like a goodbye. I hang up the phone and throw it down on the floor. I get up and stomp out of the room like a petulant child. The dark storm clouds are continuously hanging over me and I can’t catch a break.
“What’s happened?” asks Derren, as I pull open the fridge and take out two bottles of beer and down one straight away.
“She's not coming home. She’s going to stay with her parents.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. What the fuck am I meant to do? I am married without a wife. I live in our marital house, paying the bills and keeping a roof over my head, for what? I’ve spent three days decorating a spare room into a studio...” I laugh and down the other bottle of beer.
“That won’t help.” Derren points to the bottles.
“What will? If you know what will take away this hurt and pain, I’m all ears, bro. I take one step forward and three back. My head is up my arse. My superintendent is calling me any minute now to arrange my start back date at work...”
“Maybe that’s what you need. Get back to work and stop moping around here. Harper hasn’t left you. She is just going to finish her recovery at her parents’ house. You can visit. This might be a good thing. Go back to the beginning, take her out on dates, shower her with gifts, try to enjoy each other again. Stop looking at everything negatively. This is a positive step if Harper is ready to come out of hospital. It means she has made progress, right?”
I groan and toss the bottles in the bin. Why does everyone have to be on this positive train? Why does my mind have to go to the worst-case scenario?
“You’ve got this. You’re one of the strongest men I know, bro. I love you. We all do.”
I’m saved by my house phone ringing loudly. I already know it’s my boss at the station, and I already know my time out has come to an end. Everything is coming to an end apart from the nightmare that I’m continuing to live in. I wish someone would just wake me up so I can return to my life as I once knew it.
Chapter 14
Harper
I’ve been at my parents’ house for a few hours. I’ve unpacked the things my dad picked up from home that Drew had packed for me. In amongst all my things were my Kindle, laptop, and phone. I’m not sure if I’m ready to work on my laptop, but I’m ready for reading. I’ve missed the escapism my Kindle and books bring me. However, my phone is another matter. I’m not ready to speak to people. I quite like having control over who I speak to and when, so I put the phone in my bedside drawer and close it.
“Small steps, Harper. You’re not running a race.” Dr Carmichael’s words echo in my ears and that’s what I need to remember. There isn’t a time limit on how long it takes me to feel normal again.
“Knock, knock...” My mum pushes my bedroom door open and comes in and sits on my bed. “I’ve got some dinner made if you’re hungry.”
I think about eating, and every time I do, my stomach churns.
“I can’t eat a lot, Mum.”
“No pressure here, honey. I’ve made spag bol and garlic bread, your favourite. It’s all ready and you can plate up whatever you like.”
I give in, because I need to eat, and my mum won’t settle until I try something. Everyone’s eyes are well and truly going to be glued to me until I prove to them that I am okay.
“Okay. Lead the way.”
