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“I drove there to speak with Drew. He was at work when I arrived. I knew where the spare key was hidden, but I couldn’t go in. I froze. I just sat in the car until Drew came home.”
The doctor nods and writes something in his notes. I hate the silence; he could be thinking all sorts.
“Do you want to go home?”
“Of course. I want to pick up more pieces with Drew. Right now, it’s like we're just friends, but I love him. I’ve fallen head over heels in love with him again, but then he goes home, and I go to my parents’.”
“And moving house isn’t going to be an option?”
I shrug. I hadn’t thought about that possibility. It’s something we’ll need to think about. It’s definitely a demon that I’m struggling to overcome.
“Give it some thought, but the fact that you’re talking things through is great. It’s all positive steps. How are you sleeping?”
“Much better. Some nights are better than others, but I've always been a weak sleeper.”
“Yes, I can account for that. This little madam never slept a full night until she was four years old,” my mum says dramatically, and we all laugh.
“Eating?”
“Still not one hundred percent, but it’s much better. I’m not as repulsed by food. I’m also trying not to look at food as a chore.”
“Good. And remember what I said to you, anything positive is better than nothing.”
Positive. That’s one word that is now drummed into my head.
“Is there anything else you’d like to talk about today?”
I shake my head. I didn’t really need to come today, but I wanted to get my mum some help and I knew she wouldn’t come alone to start with.
It isn’t until you suffer with your own mental health that you start to become more aware of others around you and what they could be feeling, and then you want to try and prevent it from getting too bad. I’ve never been a selfish person, I always looked out for my nearest and dearest, but now I take nothing for granted.
You really can be here today and gone tomorrow. Life is too short.
Chapter 21
Drew
It has been a long time since I had a night out with friends, but when a few guys I work with asked me out for a few drinks, I jumped at the chance. I’ve not really been a barrel of laughs to be around lately, but things are looking up at work and with Harper. I need to start living in the moment, and getting drunk seemed like a good idea. It might not feel like a good idea tomorrow when a hangover kicks in, but hey ho.
“He can’t sing for shit.” Carl laughs and throws back a shot.
“Aw, stop it. At least he’s trying,” I jibe back.
Paul, our friend and colleague, is the life and soul of a party even without a drink. He makes us laugh regularly, but his singing is terrible. Think of a cat’s choir and multiply it by ten.
“There should be a law about singing in public when you have no rhythm,” says Carl.
“Don’t. We have enough eejits to deal with at work. Besides, once you’ve had one too many drinks no one gives a shit,” I look around the bar and everyone is three sheets to the wind, laughing and joking; not a care is given. Some even clap and cheer when Paul stops singing and steps off the stage.
“Man, that is thirsty work.” Paul downs his bottle of beer. “Next round is on me.”
“No arguing from me.”
It’s good to let your hair down. A few weeks ago, this wouldn’t have been possible because Harper consumed my every conscious thought. Tonight, I know she’s going to watch a movie with her mum, and she was having a Skype call with her brother, who is arriving home next week to help her kit out her new gallery when she gets the keys on Monday.
Everything is looking up for Harper. It’s good to see her looking brighter, but by God, I miss her in my bed. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to live without her. I want to smell her freshly washed hair every night, her perfume lingering in our room and on the pillows, the scent of fresh coffee every morning when I walk downstairs because Harper was always on the go before me. The longer she stays away from our house, the more it doesn’t feel like a home. The only thing that is home is Harper.
“Penny for them, buddy?” asks Carl.
