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Tonight might just change things between Harper and me, and I can’t wait to hold her in my arms.
Chapter 22
Harper
What the hell was I thinking?
That’s the problem, I wasn’t thinking. All I know is I miss my husband. It’s okay doing things together and acting like friends, but he is my husband, and he’s stuck by me throughout everything. A lot of men would have run away at the first hurdle, but not my Drew.
I keep looking at my phone. I can see that Drew has seen my message, but he hasn’t replied. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same for me anymore. Maybe I’m clutching at straws trying to keep him in my life. Those thoughts just make me angry with myself because he’s on a night out, for crying out loud. He doesn’t need to be texting me every minute.
This is why suffering with your mental health is hard. It’s like having a devil on one shoulder saying do it, but then the angel on the other shoulder is saying don’t do it. Then you end up in a tailspin, wondering who’s right.
My phone pings, and I jump out of my skin. I was too busy arguing with myself to remember I had my phone in my hand.
Drew: Open the door.
I sit forward in bed, my heart is racing, my hands shake, and I climb out of bed on unsteady feet. I look down at my pyjamas and realise I have the most ridiculous Disney PJs on. So bloody flattering.
Urgh. It’s Drew. He has seen me in worse. Much worse.
I’m acting like I’m a teenager all over again, creeping along the corridor and down the stairs. I can see Drew's reflection through the front door, and I can’t help but smile. I take a few deep breaths in and out until I feel a little more stable and able to string a sentence together.
I open the door and our eyes meet. I feel ridiculous for even doubting Drew's love for me, for having nerves about letting him in. He’s my husband.
“Hi,” he whispers, and I giggle. “Sshhh!” He holds his finger over his lips.
“You do realise we don’t have to sneak around anymore, right?” I roll my eyes.
“Where would the fun in that be? Now, lead the way, princess.”
I hold out my hand for him and he threads his fingers through mine. It’s like my whole body sings Hallelujah.
I don’t feel like I walk back to my room, I float, I fly, but I don’t walk. It’s only when the door closes that I realise this is the first time Drew has been in this bedroom for years.
“It's like deja vu standing here.” He looks around at the posters and shakes his head. “You’ve always had poor taste in music.”
I haven’t really paid attention to the Backstreet Boys and Westlife posters that are still plastered on my walls. But now that I am, it makes my heart soar with the love of boybands all over again. I’m glad my mum was too sentimental to redecorate when I left home. It’s a little bit of nostalgia in here for me.
“Do not dis the music, buster.” And just like that, the ice is broken between us. “It’s better than Bon Jovi.”
He holds his hand over his chest like I’ve pained him. Tipsy Drew has always been fun to be around. I always hear people saying they hate their partners when they’re drunk because they can be obnoxious and over the top, but not Drew. He's a happy drunk.
“I hope you don’t mind me showing up here tonight.”
I shake my head and try to fold my hair behind my ear, but it’s all pulled up on the top of my head in a messy bun. Yeah, real smooth, Harper.
“I’m glad you came.”
Drew steps towards me and runs his hands through my hair until the bun stops him from going any further.
“I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.” He pulls me into his chest and holds me close. It isn’t what I thought he was going to do, and it certainly isn’t what my body was craving either, but he’s a gentleman. I pull back, loosen his hands from my hair, pull up on my tiptoes, and kiss him. I don’t half-heartedly kiss him. He needs to know I mean business.
“Babe.” He pulls back breathlessly. “We don’t need to do this. I’m happy just holding you.”
“I...” I look down and try to step away, but Drew catches me.
“Tell me what you need.”
