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“Who is your father?” Way to change the subject.
“Lord Kanes of the shadow realm I guess. I’ve never met him and he is missing.” Kreed starts pacing.
Noah and Aavin walk back in. I walk over to Noah. He walks toward me and I hurry to wrap myself around him. I hold him tightly and huff angrily into his shirt. I look up at him and grab his neck to pull him to me. Our lips meet and my arms wrap around his neck. He lifts me up with one arm banded around my waist, the other in my hair, pulling me into him. I can faintly hear a growl but I ignore it. I know it’s Kreed. Noah continues to kiss me and then he puts his forehead against mine.
“I want to say I’m never going to give up but I don’t know how many more soul bonds I can take.” I hold his face in my hands.
“I know-” I start to say but I’m cut off by Kreed.
“Tether,” Kreed corrects, “and I will not be leaving.” I look back at Kreed, my mouth gaping, “I have been waiting for centuries to find my tether and I won't be letting her go.” Centuries? Fucking hell, how many old dudes are attached to me? Kreed is being blocked by Aavin, who has an arm out towards him. He’s standing sideways keeping an eye on all of us. “And you! How can you just be nonchalant about your soul bond kissing a human!” He says, swinging an arm out towards us.
Noah starts to step forward and open his mouth but is interrupted.
“Let’s relax for a minute. Yeah? We have some shit to figure out. Like why you're trying to take Dana back to Bathaile.” Aavin looks between us. Eyebrows raised. Waiting for an answer but were all just glaring at each other.
“They wanted Naomi to take the crown. Apparently I am the next best option. A woman who has no actual idea of who she is, who is on the edge of hysteria and knows absolutely nothing about running a country.” I say matter of factly. I don’t think anyone in this room realizes how close I am to losing my mind.
I have so much thrashing about in my brain it feels like a five man metal band in there playing a song out of tune and out of rhythm. A mother who was not human, a father who is not human and missing. My mother was a princess and now I have to take her place? What the hell was my mother thinking? Not telling me about this? She has me second guessing everything she has ever told me. I have magic? I have ghosts threatening me. Let’s not forget the two soul mates I can’t feel and one angry Noah who looks ready to raise hell.
What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to follow Kreed to Bathaile and become whatever they wanted me to become? Would my mother want that for me? Maybe she didn’t and that’s why she never told me. Did she know that my father was not human? Did she know he was a shade? Did he know she was not human? If Kreed and Aavin can feel who I am and what I am capable of by touch, by sensing magic. How could my parents not feel each other's magic? Maybe they didn’t care and then regretted it later and that’s why my father never introduced himself but felt compelled to make sure I was safe. Thus, having Aavin shadow me.
I stare at Kreed and Aavin. I don’t feel a pull to either of them but they say they do. With Aavin it's his calling me but I feel nothing else. With Kreed it’s whatever the hell that was at the table. I feel nothing else though.
“How do you know I’m your tether?” Kreed snaps his head to me.
“If I would have held your hand instead of losing my temper the tether would have connected, solidified. You would have felt it tighten in place.”
“And you lost your temper…” I trailed off letting him fill in the blanks.
“I could feel both of them with you. Part of your soul.” Noah lets out a shocked laugh. At least I think it’s a laugh.
“So you're mad that there are two men who are also attached to me?” Kreed gives a quick nod and then continues to stare at me. Then he continues, “There’s no ‘sharing’ in Bathaile, everyone has their one tether. This is…new.” I nod, understanding his frustration but I’m not backing down, Noah is mine and will always be mine. I can’t deal with all this nonsense right now. I need to talk to Noah and I need sleep. In the morning we can talk about all this shit and get at least one of my many problems solved.
“I need to go to bed. I’m tired and my brain is fried. I also have work tomorrow. We will discuss this more sometime tomorrow night. Y’all can stay here and sleep on the couch or the spare room.” I grab Noah’s hand, “Goodnight. Don't kill each other. I don't want to have to scrub blood out of my floors.” I drag Noah out of the kitchen before more can be said.
We trudge up the stairs and I walk through my bedroom door. I fling myself onto the bed. I pull the blankets from under my legs and burrow into the sheets. It’s at this moment I realize I have been wearing nothing but a shirt and underwear. I sigh and lay my head back onto the pillow. Whatever, the shirt is long..ish.
I look over and find Noah just standing by the door, staring at me. A small, sad smile on his face. I sit up and lean against the headboard.
“This last twenty four hours couldn’t get any weirder could it.” I ask.
“Don’t say that, you may bring another man to your doorstep.” He says it with a smile but I can see the hurt in his eyes. He walks slowly to the end of the bed. He looks like he’s deciding if he’s staying or not.
“Noah-” I stop abruptly when I see a tear run down his face. Fuck. My eyes welled up with tears instantly. I toss the covers off and crawl over the mattress to him. I reach my hands up his neck to cup his face and I wipe away the tear with my thumb. “Noah, I’m never leaving you. You-”
“You don't know that. I thought I could deal with one but two? I can’t compete with that. I have no abilities other than how to farm. I’m not good with weapons. I don’t have magic. What happens when you feel this tether? Or soul bond? Whatever the fuck it is. What happens when you feel it and you only feel the pull to them? Where am I left in this? Gods, I love you, more than anything. I would follow you to worlds and realms and everywhere in between but what if I am supposed to be a stepping stone in your life? I was there for you as we grew up, I tried to help every way I could. I made sure, to the best of my ability, that you were happy. Hopefully, your mother and I helped you feel strong enough to take on whatever comes next. What if this next part is about you and not about us? What if this next part, I’m supposed to let you go, to become what you were always meant to be?”
“Are you trying to break up with me, Noah Turner?” I pull my hands away and wipe the tears now streaming down my face. I sit back on my heels with my hands in my lap, crestfallen. How could the one man, the one person I have, the one who has always been there and has loved me through everything, not want me anymore? How could he believe that I would leave him behind? “Kreed said he felt both of you in my soul. You and Aavin. You're there Noah.” I slap my hand over my heart. I take a shuddering breath, Noah stares at me, unbelieving. “You always have been. We are written in the stars, we are supposed to be together, I know it Noah.” He can’t be doing this right now. He can’t be giving up this soon. My breath starts coming faster. My vision tunneling. I feel the bed dip and Noah sits behind me, wrapping his arms around me. His legs on either side of my body.
“Breathe Dana.” He places his head next to my ear, so I can hear him breathe in and out. He rubs his hands up and down my arms. I fight my way back, to breathe fully. I listen intently to his own breathing. Pacing my breaths with his.
“Please don’t do this Noah. Please. I don’t want to go the rest of my life without you. I need you. I need your steady hand to help me through this. I need you always and forever. Nothing will change that. Gods, I know it's selfish but I am going to be selfish about you.” Noah kisses my shoulder.
“Let’s lay down, yeah? It’s been a shit day for us both. Let’s talk with clearer heads in the morning.” He pulls the blankets down letting me climb under. He lays down next to me and pulls the blankets over us. He pulls me close to him.
I know this is it. I had a feeling he would leave. That he wouldn’t want to wade through the chaos I have been stuck with. I can’t blame him but I let my deeply harbored feelings come to the surface. I let my love for him out and I will never be the same after this. How do you let someone go when you want to be selfish? When they don’t want to stick around? He shouldn’t have too. He should be able to find a woman that he can have a normal loving life with. Someone who knows who she is and doesn’t have chaos surrounding her.
I soaked in this last cuddle. This last loving moment. This last reason to breathe. This last moment to feel safe. I won't hate him for this. I will let him go and I will always keep him in my heart and hope he finds what he’s looking for.
