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“Good.” My dad nods decisively. “Next time don’t be an asshole, son. I can’t believe you left her with men she didn’t even know. What the fuck were you thinking!” My dad starts to raise his voice.
“Jed.” My mom says quietly. As if to pacify him.
“No, Charlotte, he left Dana with strangers. Male strangers. What the fuck was he thinking?” My dad yells. My dad is the most relaxed person. He hardly ever raises his voice. I was waiting for this to be honest but I’m already feeling like the scum of the earth.
“I wasn't!” I jump up, raising my voice. “I was hurting. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my fucking chest! All I could think about was getting away from the pain and knowing that I wasn’t it for her! I don’t have the answers for her. I have never felt like such a failure in her eyes. I have always been there for her and when her mother died I was the only one there for her. I always had the answers and now I have fucked up! I was selfish. So damn selfish.” I sigh heavily. “I fucked up so bad. I need to make it up to her. I need to grovel or be her punching bag. I need to make this up to her in any way I can.” I fell back into my seat. I hang my head between my shoulders with my elbows on my knees. I hear someone moving and then a journal pops into my field of vision. I look up and take it from my dad.
“While you are trying to figure out how to get to Dana. You should read this.” He takes a step back. “You may find some of the entries rather enlightening. If I had known that the shadow people would come back after all this time I would have told you everything I knew and gave you this journal. I can tell you that the shadow people have been coming here for many years. I think in the 1840’s, maybe the fifties, our government tried to occupy their world. The Shades, that’s what they are called in the journal, killed one of the men responsible. Maybe they killed more but I think only one death is mentioned in this journal. After that happened, the shades came regularly to keep an eye on things. To make sure we weren’t trying to regroup and start over. You’ll find all the information that was given to my grandfather and his father in this journal.”
“Why would they give us that information? And also, why did we house them? How did that even come about?” I asked. “Why us?”
“Well, in the early 1870’s great, great grandpappy Otto ran into a man at an old diner that used to be around here. At the time this was barely a town, there was nowhere to stay unless you could stay at someone's house. He was asking around for the nearest inn. Grandpappy overheard the conversation and offered one of the ranch hand houses on the farm. The shade always came back asking to stay. They created somewhat of a friendship and the Shade told him all kinds of information. You would have to look back in the journal though. I always forget the name. It starts with an ‘A’ I think.”
“Aavin?” I ask.
My dad furrows his brow, looking at the ceiling, thinking. “I–” he drops his gaze to me. “Yeah. How do–”
“That’s Dana’s soul bond. Her father is General Kanes from Aelore. She is half Shade and half…whatever Bathaile is.” I shake my head at how strange all of this is. “This is a hell of a full circle.” I stand up, ready to pack my shit and get to Dana’s. “I need to pack some stuff. I’ll still come in the mornings to do the morning chores and I can do whatever else you need. Like usual. I’ll just go back to Dana's so maybe I can catch her or Aavin. I will let you know if I can get to her.”
“Son, I want you to be happy but do you really think this is how to go about it? What happens if you leave and we never see you again?” My mother asks. “I want Dana back but I also want my son. I can’t just say ‘Okay! Bye!’. You are my only baby.” She looks at my father, looking for backup. Her face drops when she realizes dad isn’t going to back her up.
“Char–” He starts
“No! This is my baby. I may be okay knowing about Dana not being human, I may be okay with knowing there are other worlds and I may be okay with her being bonded to two other men but Noah doesn't know what the outcome will be if he leaves. What if he never comes back, Jed! I’m not losing him. We lost so many Jed. I can’t lose Noah.” My mother starts crying. My heart breaks for her. I knew she had many miscarriages trying to have a baby. She will always carry those babies in her heart. She always thinks about them and the what-if’s. I feel like an asshole but I know I have to find Dana.
“I’ll come back mama. I’m not leaving for forever. I don’t know what’s going to happen but maybe she will want to come back.” I say walking over to her.
“And if she doesn’t?” Mama asks through her tears.
“That’s something we will have to figure out when that time comes. I don’t have the answers but I would never just up and leave you Mama.” I grab her hands and pull her up so I can hug her. “I’ll always come back but this is something I have to do.” I say hoping she understands. She nods into my shoulder. I feel my dad pat my shoulder and give it a squeeze.
“Alright Charlotte, let the poor boy go. You will see him tomorrow morning. He’s got animals to feed and shit to shovel.” He says smirking at me.
“Who’s gonna shovel shit when I’m off trying to earn my forgiveness?”
“Your father.” Mom says matter of factly.
“I don’t think dad knows how to. He hasn't shoveled shit since he put the shovel in my hands.”
My dad makes a sound of disbelief. “I’ll have you know I have shoveled shit, I did it all week.” I gave him a look. “Alright I delegated that task to Danny.” He says sheepishly.
“Mhmm. That’s what I thought.”
“Oh you boys. Always know how to lighten up a room.” Mom sniffs her tears back and straightens up. “Alright baby, you go get packed and I will see you bright and early. Stop in before you hit the barns. I’ll have breakfast for you and some coffee.”
“Alright Mama. I’ll see you in the morning.” I give her another squeeze and kiss her cheek. I give my dad a pat on the back. I start out the door and my dad follows me to the truck. He’s quiet until we make it to the truck.
“Son, I am sorry for not telling you about the Shades but I really thought we would never see them again. I also didn’t think this would happen. This was not even a thought.” I nod.
“I’m not mad. Just surprised is all.”
“Be careful son. Please. Your mama would never recover. You’re grown now and I know there isn’t anything I can say to change your mind but be careful and you better tell us when you’re leaving. You better also let us know when you get back. Otherwise, I’ll see you in the morning. The shovel will be waiting.”
I laugh at his last comment. “Of course it will be. I will also be careful and let you know everything that I know.” I give him a hug and hop in the truck. I see him walk back up the porch and into the house. I turn down the road to my little house.
When I walk in, everything is just how I left it. Not a thing out of place. I walk back to my room and see Dana’s bag still on the floor and I throw it on my bed. I’ll bring it with the rest of my things.
I have to fix this. I need to show her that I can be worthy of her, that I wont just run off again. I won’t leave her alone. Not again.
