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She took a deep breath, her nervousness palpable in the air. “I need to quit.”
“Well, I figured that much,” I sighed, pulling the chair out from the counter and plopping myself into it. I picked up another one of Jamey’s carrots but put it back down when I realized it was wet. What had he done to it…?
“I need to quit today.”
Well, fuck. I hadn’t expected that.
“Today? You can’t even give two weeks’ notice?” I snapped, immediately regretting the harshness of my tone when she physically recoiled. I took a deep breath to calm myself. “Sorry, it’s been a long day. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
She relaxed a bit as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I know it’s last minute. I’m sorry. I was offered a role on Broadway for a musical I auditioned for a few weeks ago, and I just can’t pass it up. They need me to relocate to New York City this weekend.”
“Jesus, they couldn’t have given you two weeks’ notice?” I asked, trying to keep the conversation light.
“Apparently not. I got the call this morning after you left, otherwise I’d have told you then,” she explained. She leaned one hip against the counter. “I’m really sorry, Dr. Brady. If I knew anyone else that could help you out I’d make that my number one priority, but all my other nanny friends are booked solid.”
I sighed as I gave her an exasperated smile. What the fuck was I going to do? My mom lived nearby, but she had her own life, her own job, her own time. I couldn’t expect her to take on Jamey full-time while I was at work, and I wasn’t about to put him in daycare—not after the horror stories I’d heard. If Becks hadn’t taken off… No. Nope, absolutely not, I was not about to go down that rabbit hole.
“Is there any chance I could get my last paycheck today?” Jenny asked, completely pulling me out of my thoughts. I was grateful for it. “It’s just, I need the money for my moving fees and my flight…”
“Yeah, of course.” I pulled my phone and wallet from my pocket and slapped them on the countertop. “Do you want cash or Venmo?”
————
I held Jamey in my arms, his small frame wrapped around the muscles of my hip, as Jenny’s car rumbled to life. I could tell he didn’t quite understand, and in his limited knowledge, he probably just thought that Jenny was going away for a little while and he’d see her again soon. Maybe at the grocery store like where we’d run into his old nanny, Caitlyn, as she worked behind the deli counter. Or maybe how we’d occasionally see Patty, our old neighbor who’d moved out last year, at the park walking her dog.
I knew he didn’t get that it could be the last time he saw her because he wasn’t waving goodbye like I was. He wasn’t even watching as Jenny reversed down the drive. His gaze was drifting far to the right of the porch, locked on something that I couldn’t see because his tiny noggin was in the way. “Wave goodbye,” I whispered to him, and he snapped his head toward me instead, confusion written all over his face.
“Why?”
“Because she’s moving away,” I said softly.
“So?”
“So, you won’t see her for a very long time. You liked her, didn’t you?”
He nodded his head, his little tufts of hair flopping about his face.
“Then give her a wave. She liked you, too, munchkin,” I sighed, wrapping my thumb and forefinger around his wrist and lifting his hand with it. He gave a little wave as she drove off.
Jamey wiggled his feet, his signal to me that he wanted to be put down. As his socks hit the concrete of our entranceway, he glanced one more time toward the right of the house before turning and walking back inside. I followed his gaze again, but nothing was there—just the bright blue Nissan Altima parked in the driveway of our new neighbor's house, the one that had moved in after Patty had left. I hadn’t gotten the chance to meet her yet, but I’d heard good things from the neighborhood Facebook group.
I followed Jamey inside and through to the living room where PAW Patrol was still playing on the television. Immediately, he was glued even though he’d seen the episode at least twenty times. I could almost recite it by heart.
Dropping onto the couch beside him, I tucked him into my chest, letting my mind drift to the sounds of children’s television. It was shocking how easy it had become to tune it out when I needed to.
I needed someone to watch Jamey. I’d already sent an email to let the others at the office know I wouldn’t be coming in tomorrow and to shift my appointments to the other doctors at the practice, but that only bought me an extra day. I had tomorrow and the weekend to find someone that could look after him during the week.
If only he had a fucking mother.
My grip on the couch turned rougher, and I was careful not to let it affect the side of my body that Jamey was snuggled up to. Don’t. Don’t think about her. You’ll only end up more frustrated, I thought to myself. You can’t change the past. You can’t make her be a mother if she doesn’t want to be.
I’d be a liar if I tried to say it hadn’t wrecked me. Becks’ running away had fucked me up for far too long, and even now, I found the idea of an actual relationship daunting. I was thankful that Jamey was too young to remember his mother—she’d left just over two years ago, just after Jamey had turned two. I was also thankful that he looked absolutely nothing like her. That was a godsend, really.
I had enough money to not work if I needed to. In fact, I could never work another day in my life and be fine. I could be a stay-at-home dad if it came down to it, but I loved my job, and even on my toughest days, I didn’t want to give it up. I loved being able to help women get what they craved, what they’d always known they wanted, and I was good at it. But faced with this new dilemma I had no idea what I was going to do. I was fucked. Completely, utterly fucked, and despite my doctorates, I wasn’t smart enough to come up with an idea out of thin air.
“I’m gonna get some housework done, bud,” I said, slowly sliding out of his embrace. I needed a distraction, and PAW Patrol wasn’t going to cut it. “Shout if you need me.”
Jamey nodded, his eyes never leaving the screen.
