AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“So yes, me not having faith in you and my distrust of my grandfather had nothing to do with you.” His throat flicked. “It was always about me and my issues. It was about me and my refusal to trust my gut and believe in you. I’ve always known the truth.” He shook his head. “But my fear… fear of loving you and giving you myself completely…”
A sound escaped my throat, my breath heavy.
His nostrils flared again. “It’s what made me do the wrong thing. Ares is right. I didn’t know who you were. I didn’t, but that doesn’t matter. I still did the wrong fucking thing when it came to you, and that’s because I love you so fucking much it scared the shit out of me.”
I let go, backed up, and he stood up. He towered over me, a mountain to my peak.
“You are so goddamn perfect to me.” A roughness touched his voice, his knuckles tight at his sides. “Everything about you is perfect to me.”
I backed up again, angling away. “You’re wrong,” I said, making his eyes flash. “You’re wrong. I’m fucked up, and you fuck me up.”
“Noa—”
“No. Let me fucking finish.” I put my finger in his face. “You fuck me up so bad, Dorian. You do, and I do stupid things too.”
Confusion laced his ebony eyes, his head cocked. I probably sounded like a fucking basket case.
I was a basket case.
I couldn’t breathe at this point, grabbing my legs. I studied the rubber mats on the floor. “I’m chaos.” I was nightmare fuel, literally. I created all this destruction in my wake, and it didn’t matter what I did, I still hurt people. I’d hurt him and his family and…
“Sloane…”
I needed fucking space, my hands up. “I’ve created so much pain, Dorian,” I said, my voice rough now. “And I know it’s not my fault. I know I was kidnapped, and things happened outside of my control. Yes, I know that, but it doesn’t change what I’ve done.”
“What?” he asked me, concern lining every inch of his handsome face. I hated it. I loathed the accommodations he constantly made for me and how mature he was being. It made me look even more foolish. I didn’t have my shit together.
I wasn’t perfect.
“I found out the truth, and the first thing I did was run,” I said, swallowing. “I ran because I knew what my being back would do. I knew how many people it would hurt.” I blinked, crying again. “Your grandfather caused a lot of pain, Dorian, and I knew what him being around would do. He hurt your family, Dorian. My family…”
He got closer, and I stiffened.
“He was talking about doing this press conference and telling the truth, and all I could see was how that would affect your parents.” I braced my hands. “How it would affect Ramses, Brielle, and Ares…” I looked up. “And you.”
He was the first one I’d thought of actually.
He’d fucked me up so bad.
His expression fell after what I said, his hands out, but I didn’t let him get close.
“The flood gates were going to open up, and I panicked. I ran, and I don’t know why,” I stated, crossing my arms. “To deny the inevitable or what the fuck ever.” I was cold now, shivering. I hugged my arms. “I just knew a lot of people were about to be hurt, and I was about to be the reason.”
He did make me do stupid things, but it wasn’t just him. Him and this town and all the connections I’d formed definitely helped. Bow, Wells, and Thatcher and their families would have been just as affected as the Mallicks and Prinzes.
Because they were all family.
They were and shared each other’s pain and hardships. They had peace before all this with me.
“I did the wrong thing,” I said. “I ran, and I made people hurt even worse.” I put my hand on my chest. “That’s on me.”
Dorian started to reach for me, to comfort me, and all that did was spring more madness within me. I didn’t want his comfort, or anything else.
“And through it all, I’m still mad at you.” I laughed, honest to fuck feeling manic. I gripped my hair. “I’m angry you lied to me. I’m hurt you didn’t trust me while, at the same time, angry at myself for feeling that way because I do get it and why you did what you did.” God, I really did sound fucking crazy. My head shook. “But what I think angers me the most is how mature you’re being about all this. You are, and I know you’re only being that way for my benefit. You’re looking out for me when I know you’re fucking angry too.”
I knew this because I knew him too, his character. We were both fucked up, and that was one of the things that was so nice about us. He wasn’t perfect, and neither was I. We were both equally and utterly stupid the way we handled shit sometimes.
We were beautiful.
