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I wasn’t strong enough.
I needed Fawn like I needed air or water, and if that made me a selfish bastard, so fucking be it. I was going to have this. I couldn’t not have this.
I held her close. “He doesn’t, but I’ll talk to him. He’ll be okay, and I’ll take it easy.”
“You better.” She placed those hazel irises on me, so much love deeply rooted there. She looked at me every day like that. Every fucking day like I was her everything. Like she couldn’t live without me either, but I knew the truth. She could live without me.
And if she knew better, she would.
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Ares
“Hey, Thatch, can I talk to you a sec?” I asked him. He and Wells deposited like five bags of food on the counter. We’d just checked into our cabin a couple hours ago, and the first thing they’d done was hit up a grocery store. They wanted to beat the snowstorm that was coming in and just barely did considering all the snow on their jackets.
Thatch shook some of it off his big shoulders. “I don’t know. Can you?” He smirked, being a dick. He defaulted with humor for sure because every time I had seen him since we’d left campus, he’d grunted at me. He had basically ignored me while we’d packed up the cars and wasn’t shy regarding his position when it came to me coming on this trip.
Dorian eyed him. “Don’t be a dick,” he said, voicing my thoughts. The two of us had been sitting at the counter in the kitchen before the others had come in. The girls and Bru were unpacking somewhere in the cabin, and Dorian and I had taken the time to talk amongst ourselves. It’d been mostly about Thatch and what I would say to him when he and Wells came back.
All Dorian’s chide did was make Thatcher grunt again, and after he did, Dorian set his eyes on Wells. It was a strong look and the head-jerk he made toward the door right after let Wells know Dorian didn’t want him in the kitchen right now. Dorian got off his barstool and left the room himself after the gesture, and eventually, Wells followed him.
“I’m going to go help D start the fireplace. Get this place warmed up a bit,” Wells said, even though Thatcher and I both knew Dorian hadn’t said shit about starting a fire before he’d left.
Thatcher smirked, a couple twelve-packs of beer under his burly arms. It seemed he and Wells were putting those fake IDs to good use. He opened the fridge with his shoulder. “Say what you have to say so I can go take off all this soggy shit and relax and enjoy my vacation.”
My friend certainly had his back up today, but I got it. I hated that I did because he was going through shit. I laced my hands. “Do you want to talk?”
I knew he didn’t. He was like the rest of us when it came to bottling up shit, but I thought I’d ask anyway just in case. There was a time when I think I’d wanted to be pushed on my issues, but no one ever had. If someone had back then, I might not have gotten so caught up in my lies.
There was an iota of a moment when I thought Thatcher may talk to me. He paused after putting those beers away, then just as quickly he mumbled out something and closed the fridge.
I sighed. “Come on, bro—”
“Fucking what?”
“You know what.” My lips turned down. “Now, you can keep with the attitude shit, or you can fucking talk. You can deal.”
I knew what it was like to hide all that shit, and it didn’t feel good.
Thatcher shook his head. “You’re one to talk, bro.” He said the words under his breath, frowning hard, but I heard them. He shrugged. “What the fuck do you want from me?”
Nothing really, and when I didn’t say anything, he started to pass me. He had to get through me first, though, and I’d picked up speed since recovery. I’d picked up strength, and I gave him some when I hugged him. I didn’t say a word because I didn’t think the occasion called for any.
The big asshole didn’t move, but I noticed he didn’t pull me off him either. He just stood there taking it, so I hugged him harder.
“Just,” he started, and I heard something clear in his voice. Emotion made it thicker, hoarse. He released a breath. “Promise me you won’t do something stupid this weekend. That you’ll take it easy and just not be stupid.”
That’d been the plan from the jump as I was done doing stupid things. I nodded. “I promise.”
“Okay.”
I let him go, and though he moved away, taking his space, he didn’t leave the kitchen. He scrubbed into his inky hair. “You do that, and I guess we’re cool.”
“Cool.” I smiled. “And that offer still stands if you want to talk. Or even if you don’t. That’s okay too.” I braced my arms. “You can talk to any of us. We’ll listen.”
It was something he knew, of course. He didn’t have to hide things, and he’d only feel better if he didn’t.
It was crazy this was coming from me of all people, and I knew that had to do with a girl somewhere in this cabin. She was a girl I didn’t deserve but was too selfish to let go of.
