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End it. End it.
The voice was so loud, and I had no more beer. I just had a blade and a vein. Two veins.
End it. End it. End it.
The blade was so close to my skin, and it’d be easy. The metal was inches from my flesh. Centimeters…
The door opened from the other side of the curtain.
A thud followed, then a crash like someone had dropped glass. I opened the curtain to see a broken beer bottle on the floor…
And a girl.
She lay next to the bottle. Like she’d dropped it. The thud must have been her hitting the floor, and I got out of the tub, forgetting about the knife and leaving it there.
Fuck.
The girl wasn’t in good shape. She was passed out like half the chicks in this house. I got beside her. “Hey.”
She barely responded, mumbling as her lashes flickered. She wasn’t any different than any of the other wasted girls I’d seen, but for some reason, I touched her face, tapping her. “Hey. Hey. Wake up.”
She was so out of it, moaning. I decided to help her sit up and brought her to sit back against the wall with me. She was a redhead, big wavy hair like mine on my worst day. I had curly hair and hadn’t been thinking too much about vanity when I’d been hopping cities.
I’d been traveling for so long, and I lost count of how many places I’d been to. I had one mission, escape, and always ended up where the action was. I’d heard about this party while eating a hot dog downtown, two college kids talking about it. They’d had university hoodies on, so I assumed they were in college.
“Hey, you need to wake up,” I said to the redhead. Her head was sagging, and I froze when she laid it on me.
Flowers. A literal meadow of them hit my nostrils, filled my lungs. She made a little noise and started curling into me. She got deep, and I sat there with my arms open. I didn’t know what to do.
Especially when she wrapped her arms around me.
She looped them around my neck, holding on to me like I was some safe haven and not some dude just as fucked up as she was. I think I was worse. I knew I was worse.
Another moan left her lips, and she was dragging her head up. She looked right at me. These hazel eyes that captured all the faint light in the room. Every ounce of it found her tawny irises, the light color a mix of soft golds and browns. She smiled. “You’re so beautiful.”
She passed out after she said that. She fell asleep with those words between us, and I forgot for a second that I was trying to keep her awake. I lifted her. “You need to stay awake, okay?”
She was only half listening to me and her hold got tighter. She wouldn’t let go of me, and the harder she held, the weaker my resolve became. I didn’t know this girl. I should just leave her.
You’re so beautiful…
She was too, and she didn’t even have to show me her eyes. She had these freckles all over, each one different than the last. A smattering of them was all over her heart-shaped face, and I never wished for my sketchpad more. I’d left all my art stuff at home, and I wanted to try at capturing all those freckles. Those and the soft sweeps of her lips.
So soft.
She was soft, her full curves settling warmly into my hands. I suddenly found myself not wanting to let go of her. She was so warm.
You’re so beautiful.
She was wrong about what she’d said to me. I wasn’t beautiful. I was a fucked-up friend and broken son.
You’re so beautiful.
Her voice somehow replaced the one in my head, and instead of leaving her, I gazed around the floor. I found her purse and got her phone out.
I dropped it.
Between holding her and trying to unlock the device, I let the thing fall from my fingers.
