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What an idea that had been, renting that place, and my swallow was hard as I studied my brother. He glanced away from me, and our parents focused on him. Everyone was in this room today. Sloane, Dorian, Thatcher, Wells, and Bow. The parents had basically accosted us when we got back, telling us there was going to be a group meeting.
The parents were here now too, each strategically placed between kids with the exception of Dorian and Sloane. Sloane sat on Bru’s other side in a chair, while Dorian stayed behind her, his hands on her shoulders. Wherever she was, he was never far away. His parents, Royal and December, were on a couch nearby, and they didn’t appear happy. None of the parents did.
The eyes came back to me when I arrived in this room today, and I supposed more than one set of parents believed I had something to do with Fawn’s exit.
They’d be right.
In my gut, I’d known telling Fawn certain things would make everything worse, but I’d done it anyway. The root lay in selfishness, but not because I’d wanted to prove to her that I actually wanted to help her and not get in good with the others. My selfishness was my need for her and how I couldn’t breathe whenever I thought about her. It was a pulse I couldn’t fight, and I didn’t want to.
I was tired.
It was physically exhausting fighting my need for her. All my insides ached, exhausted.
I stared at the floor, and ahead of me, one of my parents sighed.
“Fawn wanted us to let you know she’d call you, Bru, and that she’s sorry for leaving so suddenly,” Mom said to the kid, and my attention hit him again. He nodded, but he had something of his own kind of torture on his face, maybe guilt. In the end, she hadn’t even let him help her. I think we’d all seen that when she’d shaken her head at him.
I hadn’t wanted that at all, and though I’d had my back up about her friendship with my brother, I hadn’t wanted her alone. By herself…
God, you’re such a fuckup.
I felt physically ill in a room that probably should hold happiness. The Reeds’ great room was decorated with a sixteen-foot Christmas tree, a slew of presents on the skirt beneath. I supposed, in a matter of days, we’d all be celebrating here, and Red would probably be on campus by herself.
“Which brings us to the reason why she left,” Dad said, and I was so lost at that point. It was a combination of a lot of things, and I had my own guilt.
Heartache.
It hurt so fucking bad, and I sat there in the depths of it. My parents were asking what happened. They were asking why Fawn left as she hadn’t given them a clear reason. They had apparently called us all here for the truth, but they were definitely looking at me while they asked the group. Maybe they were trying to be nice and not call me out, or maybe they wanted to put the pressure on me to fess up. They didn’t have to do that, though, and I cut my dad off when his questions became more probing. I stood up and everything.
“She left because of me,” I said, aware all eyes were on me, but I didn’t fucking care. If I couldn’t own my shit in front of Fawn, I’d do it without her. I pocketed my hands. “I told her I loved her, and she left.”
This wasn’t what my parents had expected me to say, nor did I think half the room. My buddies’ mouths parted, and several parents blinked, my own included. Dorian, Thatcher, Wells, and even my sister had been gracious at the cabin regarding what happened there between Fawn and me.
I supposed they’d seen all they had to see.
The reality of what Fawn and I were had been right there in front of them, and they had left me alone in the aftermath of it. They’d cleaned the cabin with Bow, keeping their thoughts about the situation to themselves, and Bru had too. I had thought I’d hear it from the kid, but when I hadn’t, there’d been no surprise there. I’d proven him right in the end.
They’d all been right.
“I see,” my dad said, and his look of sympathy wasn’t lost on me. I didn’t deserve it, though, anyone feeling bad for me.
I stared at my friends and siblings. “They don’t need to be here. This was all me.”
The statement downplayed how much this all really was me. How much I’d fucked up when it came to everyone in this room.
And her…
The ache came back, and it stayed there as everyone filtered out of the room. My parents and I stayed, of course, but I was surprised to see Bru linger.
“I know this isn’t a great time, but I need to tell you guys something,” he said to Mom and Dad. Sloane was making her way out of the room with Dorian, but they both doubled back after he said that.
Bru faced her. “Sloane…”
“No, don’t do that. Are you okay?” she asked him, and the probing was warranted.
The kid appeared sheet white. He legit looked like he himself would be ill today, and had I been paying attention to anyone else, I might have seen that. I stepped over, and his hands raised to me.
“Look. Don’t do this. I…” He brought a hand through his hair. “I just have something to tell Mom and Dad.”
