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“It’s not that kind of place… it’s no place for you.”
This time I do laugh. “I’m sure I’ve seen worse places than you have.”
A shadow crosses his face again and his eyes take on a silver glint that reminds me of a knife blade. Or a sword even. “I think maybe we’ve seen the same kinds of foul places. And you’re the last person I want to take to any of them.”
“But I’ll be fine if I’m with you,” I say, taking his hand clumsily because it’s been so long since I actually wanted to touch a man.
He shudders at my touch, but then relaxes and wraps his fingers around mine.
“I’d protect you from all the shit that goes on in there, that much is the truth,” he says. “But it might not be enough.”
We’re past banter and bravado and into honesty. So I might as well be honest with him too.
“Places like that haunt my nightmares and my thoughts when I’m awake,” I say. “I want to face that head on. I want to walk into a seedy place full of men who might’ve raped me at one point, stare at them all and then walk back out, free.”
His eyes are narrowed as he looks at me, saying nothing. I don’t know if he thinks I’ve gone insane or is considering my words.
“You want to face your fears and you think that will make them go away?” he finally asks.
“Yeah,” I say and leave it at that. It definitely looks like he thinks it’s a stupid idea.
“And you don’t want me to try and talk you out of it.”
I shake my head. “I want you to help me do it.”
He stays silent for a couple of more moments, during which his steel blue eyes are boring into me and I can read about as much in them as I could by looking at a knife.
“OK, if that’s what you want,” he says.
“I do.”
I stand up and find my legs are very shaky. I guess that’s where all the fear of doing what I proposed we do went. Because it’s not in my mind.
And even the shakiness subsides once we’re riding again. I used to be fearless. I can be fearless again. As long as Ruin has my back.
21
Ruin
Ariel’s idea to bring her with me to Fire & Heart Inn is growing more stupid by the second the closer we get to it. Once I see it in the distance, the stark concrete walls washed in the pink sunset light, the cloud of dust from all the dirt surrounding it also tinted the same color, I very nearly just turn back.
I think she’s feeling the same way because her grip on my waist as we ride up—always very tight—grows positively vise-like before we even reach the parking lot.
I park at the very edge, a good few yards from the nearest group of patrons drinking out here in the last of the sun. She doesn’t let go of my waist. Normally, I’d appreciate that. But I’m thinking that right now, it’s more a sign of distress.
“You sure about this?” I ask. “I can still take you home.”
I feel her shake her head and then she finally releases me. “We’ve come this far. You can take me home if it gets too much.”
Between how hard she was pushing me away for the past couple of months and her reaction at the cat trapping thing, I’m thinking that need will arise sooner rather than later. So I park as near the bar entrance as I can, facing outward. That way we can make a quick getaway if we need to.
Going by the loud music, laughter and talking coming from inside, I’d say the party was already in full swing despite the fact that it won’t get dark for a couple of hours yet.
She transfers her vise-like grip from my waist to my arm as we head for the door. With her light blonde hair, pretty face, and awesome figure that the baggy clothes she’s wearing can’t hide, she’s turning a lot of heads. She keeps her gaze straight ahead, noticing none of it. But I see every leering glance cast her way, and I don’t like it at all. I hope none of them recognize her from her sex trafficked days, but I figure some of them must. I don’t like that at all either.
I have a reputation as being a ruthless, conscienceless killer, and I plan to live up to it if anyone so much as breathes at her wrong tonight. I just hope that’ll be enough to protect her if more than a few decide she’s still for sale.
The bar itself isn’t as packed as I expected to find it based on the noise. Only about half the tables are occupied and no one’s dancing. Edge is sitting with Bane, Fossil, Archer, and Joker at one table. Karma is sitting at the next table over with Psycho and Grim. After giving her the info on where to find Unholy this morning, I expected them to be gone by now. The look of pure shock on Edge’s face as he sees me walk in with Ariel on my arm would be pricelessly funny, if it weren’t so incredibly fitting.
