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“No, I do like him. He’s just pushing me harder and faster than I think I’m ready for.”
“He wouldn’t do that if he thought you weren’t ready, would he?” By the huge pause, I can tell there’s something more to this. “Are you not ready?” I keep walking ahead and the crunch of her crutches stops feet behind me. As soon as I realize she is no longer beside my shadow, I stop and turn around to look for her. She’s looking down at her braced knee as her dangling toes point toward the ground. “What is it? Did I say something wrong?”
The scent of mocha and caffeine filters under our noses. My instincts, and knowledge, tell me we might need a minute or thirty before we keep going. I loop my arm through hers and point to a small café table on the corner. She doesn’t fight, which tells me she might have as much to say as I do.
I grab us a couple of hot chocolates from inside and finally join her on the sidewalk. “Thank you.” She wraps her hands loosely around the cup. “You didn’t say anything wrong. You didn’t say anything that I haven’t thought in my head a thousand times.”
“Are you scared?” I ask.
“I’m the one who always goes balls out. I’m the one who most often has to convince people that I can do things. I fucking hate self-doubt and that’s a lot of what I have right now. I was injured doing something I’ve done a thousand times. If I dance again, who’s to say I won’t hurt myself in a repeat performance. One simple move could have changed the course of a lot of who I am. I don’t know what I’m going to do if I can’t be who I was on the hardwood.”
“I think you can do it. I know you can. You’re stronger than nearly anyone I know. I get what you mean about one thing changing the course of everything. I didn’t even realize what I was doing or saying to myself. I made myself feel doubt. I understand you.
“What I learned in therapy these past few weeks is I can also make myself shine. I’m in control, no matter what. We both got hurt. It’s awful, painful, and likely some of the ugliest ever. I want to heal. I am healing. You can too. The fear is the worst. Fear and doubt ate me alive. I don’t want that to happen to you.”
“Hayley, I don’t want to compare my injury to what you’re going through. It makes me feel gross.”
“Why? I mean seriously. How is it not the same? The same feelings are there, all the emotion, the physical toll on the body. I need to look at it the same to see that we can heal together. I need us to heal together. It’s giving me more and more hope.”
“I’m glad you feel that way. I don’t like to bring it up, but since you did, how are you feeling? You seem different. The fact you wanted to go out today I took as a win. I didn’t have to bribe or convince you.”
“As fast as things can be covered in shit, they can be washed away too. Something happened yesterday…a lot, actually.”
“Are you able to talk about it? I’d like to be able to help if you need me.”
“I can. I’d like to. I’m excited to tell you. I hope you’ll be okay with what I have to say.”
“Okay, you’re freaking me out a little. Tell me.”
“Wes came to see me last night. He drove out to the house and tossed pebbles at my balcony door until I opened it. He wants me back, Dylan. He came to me like Romeo standing under Juliet’s window and begged for me. I turned him down initially, for all the reasons you’d think. All the reasons we doubt ourselves. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. He fucking climbed the side of the house.”
“Okay, I don’t go all mushy like that, but damn, Wes. Well played. Then what happened?”
“Well, he fell off the side of the house.” I laugh a little bit. I can laugh about it now because one, I know he’s not hurt, and two, I know the end of this story.
“Oh shit! Is he okay?”
“He’s fine. More than fine. I didn’t know that at first though. I raced down to the yard. There he was, flat on his back. I didn’t think he was breathing at first then he moaned. He had dirt all over him, scratches from the trellis, and grass in his hair. I asked if he was hurt, he said only in his heart. I lost it. Like totally lost it, lost it.
“I couldn’t help it. I never stopped to think that my pain would be his pain. I guess that’s what it’s like when you truly love someone. You feel everything they feel.”
I watch as a thousand emotions dance across Dylan’s face. I can see her rewind in warp speed all the things she and Eli have been through. She knows I know now too. “It’s true. All of it.”
“I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want him to hurt anymore. It all needs to stop. So Wes and I…we’re getting married.”
Dylan starts choking on her hot chocolate. The back of her hand hides the gasps she’s trying to take to begin talking again. “Wait. Say that one more time.”
“He asked me to marry him. I said yes.”
“Damn, Maverick. When he goes balls out, he goes balls out.”
“It was beautiful. I mean, it wasn’t like a Disney movie, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. He told me in not so many words how much he loves me and wants me to be with him, no matter what. He really does love me unconditionally. We aren’t looking at things through rose-colored glasses. We have a ton of shit, a ton of shit, to work through, but we want to do that together.”
“Who knows about this? I suppose Wes is telling Eli right now?”
“Yeah. That’s the plan. I hope Eli listens like you are. I mean, I think he will. I know these past few weeks haven’t been easy on him either.”
“He’s been crushed by the weight of what’s going on with you. You’re his best friend, Hayley. He would have given a limb to make this easier for you.”
