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“I’m your partner. Let me be your partner here. I can be your other leg. Lead. I can follow.”
Dylan lowers her head, continuing to cry. This time she does move. She rises to her toes. I help keep the weight off by helping my wife to hold position. I feel like she’s trying to repeat some of the same choreography this dance originally held for her. It’s my turn to remember. I’m not going to be graceful by any means. Me trying to chase her perfection isn’t something that can be achieved in a few moments.
I know in the beginning she’s very still. Her upper body, face, and hands are what drives the feeling initially. I feel her begin to reach. I hold on and push her hips forward as she does. Then as the lyric begins about something bringing you back, instead of the connotation of sadness she had before, she spins on her good leg to face me.
Her cheek buries itself in my chest. Her hair flies around like it’s whipping in a hurricane. For a moment, I let go of the good side of her body to cup the back of her neck. To let her know the depth of how I have her, I wrap my arm at her waist and drop her upper body back in a bend. When I can feel she’s able to do this without pain, I let her hang like she’s weightless. Her dance world has been upside down, now she can see it from there and know it’s not going to stay that way.
She wraps her injured leg around mine and forces her core back to my chest. Dylan’s glassy eyes greet me as she cups her hands over my shoulders. “Lift me and turn, Eli.” I press her over my head. She lets her head fall back so her hair drapes all down her back. All of her toes are pointed against my thighs. I can feel them.
We spin slowly in a circle until she lifts her head and looks down at me with a nod. I put her down to plant on her good leg. “Let me go,” she commands. I let her pirouette a few feet from my hands, just in case. Her physical strength is still something to marvel at, even with being sidelined for a few weeks.
She’s still able to push off and retract on the same leg into the most interesting shapes. She can still freeze and contort in the most beautiful ways. Dylan only needed to see that she still could. She can.
My Viper is not leaping breathlessly into the air and tossing herself to the floor, but she is dancing. The contemporary form she’s used to is stunning. I want to have her, just for a moment, go into the classic partnering with me. Dylan turns back to me. With a roll of her fingers, she freezes.
Her lips are parted and waiting for me. I stalk toward her, cupping the sides of her neck. Our noses press together like each is on one side of a pane of glass. Her hands wrap over my wrists as we rotate together. The part of the song that I’ve always found very angst filled and angry, I want now to be the moment when she takes it all back.
I can feel the music build. This time, I have a request. “Do you trust me?” I ask. She nods in simple agreement. I spin her in my arms like she’s my marionette or muse. Her hands remain on my wrists as I lift her over my head. I’ve never done this before, so I don’t have a frame of reference, other than simply watching. I can feel the gorgeous arch in her body. Her arms are outspread. To anyone else, she might look like she’s flying. I certainly hope she feels like it.
With the last two beats of the song, I lower her to the ground and into my waiting arms. “How do you feel?” I ask her.
“Alive, Eli. I feel alive.”
There is a rose-colored flush to her cheeks… her whole body really. “Thank you. Just when I think I know how much you love me, you do something else that shows me in another way or just that you love me more. I hope someday I can show you the same.”
“I don’t love you to get love in return. I’d love you anyway. The love you give me is a gift. I treasure it. My love for you doesn’t extend from what you do, it comes from who you are. I hope you’ll believe it fully one day.”
“I’m starting to get it. I am.”
Her tears start to roll again, although, this time, she’s smiling through them. “What is it, Viper? Tell me. Are you in pain?”
“Not the kind you think. It’s a good kind of pain. The kind that has to come up and slap you once in a while.” Dylan lowers herself to the floor then reaches up for my hand to join her. I sit down beside her as every move we make creates a new sound in this cavernous space.
She wipes the tears as they flow with the back of her hand. “I want to double the amount of physical therapy I’m doing. Can we make that work with my ALITE duties and my normal AnSa responsibilities?”
“I don’t see that as an issue. That can’t be what’s got you upset. Don’t worry about getting back on the floor. If today is any indication you’ll be there in no time. You took your power back today.”
“I’m starting to. That’s because of you. I do want to be on the floor for all the reasons you think I would. There’s just one more I need to add.”
“What is that?”
“I need to get back on the floor for you, Eli.”
“For me? Your dancing needs to be about you.”
“It is. It is, but I realized something today.” Dylan pulls herself closer to my side. We sit hip to hip as she begins to trace my fingers with hers. “I’m an only child. I didn’t have the opportunity to grow up with siblings. I have a couple of cousins, but we aren’t super close. I only babysat like one year before dance took over my entire life.
“I think one of the reasons I’m so scared of babies is because of that. I just don’t have the experience. When I saw Hayley put Michael in your arms, I got it. I understand now. You’re meant to be a father. I could see it the minute you held him. You lit up like a fucking Christmas tree. It wasn’t because he’s your namesake. It was because you felt complete holding him.
“Eli, I became complete watching you hold him. I need to get back on the floor because I want to give myself a year to dance my heart out so that we can try to have a baby of our own. I know it may not happen right away, but I will have one year of dancing then the rest is up to us and fate.”
Dylan stares deep into my eyes. I’m still processing what she’s just told me. This feels too good to be true. I brush my fingers through her hair before being able to speak. “Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure?”
“I thought you’d be happy.”
“Viper, I’m beyond happy. I’m stunned into silence. I was and would be willing to wait until you’re ready.”
“I’m telling you, Eli. I’m ready. I want to give you the look you had on your face today. I want to have that with you. Every time I think I’m not ready or able to do something, you’re right there holding me up, literally sometimes. I want to create that life. I want you to be able to feel it grow inside me every day. I want you to hold that baby we made together first so I can see it. I’m ready.”
