AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I feel the blood rush to my face. I really appreciate the gesture, but I wouldn’t be able to swallow that food.
“We can’t go there,” I blurt.
“Oh yes we can,” he replies, smiling at me.
“I’m not joking, Alistair.”
“I know you had sushi the other night, but this will be incomparable—so I’m told.”
“It’s not about that. It’s about being a responsible consumer.” I’m blushing furiously.
Alistair frowns. “Have I done something wrong?”
“No. Of course not. I just can’t go to a place that flies in fresh ingredients from Tokyo every day. It’s completely over the top and irresponsible.”
“You do know that the champagne we’ve been drinking is flown in from France, right? And that iPhone isn’t made in the UK. Nor were those yoga leggings.” He seems uncomfortable, and I hate making anyone feel that way, but my shifting line in the sand has to stop somewhere.
“These yoga leggings will last me ten years,” I say. “And I know I haven’t been sticking to my principles this week, but it doesn’t mean they’re not important to me.”
“Hey,” he says, hands up. “It’s your bucket list, not mine. I’ll cancel it.”
“This is probably difficult for you to imagine, but there are lots of things in life I want that I know I can’t have. This is one of those things.”
His jaw tenses. “I want you to have everything you want.”
“The world doesn’t work that way.” For most of us, anyway. My cheeks are still glowing. As a people-pleaser, I find confrontation difficult. My deep affection for Alistair makes it far worse.
“Where is this coming from?” he asks.
“Don’t act surprised! You found me at a climate change protest. It’s not a new thing.”
“New to me,” he says. “You haven’t mentioned anything about it since we got together.”
“That’s because you swept me up in a whirlwind,” I say. I close my eyes for a second. “Sorry, that’s not fair. What I meant to say is that I allowed myself to get swept up. And it’s been amazing! And I wouldn’t change anything. But I can’t go to that restaurant.”
Alistair sits on the chaise. “If this is only about the restuarant, that’s fine. But I have a feeling it’s bigger than that.”
“You’re going to be late for work.”
“I don’t care about that. I care about you. You’re obviously upset, so let’s sort it out.”
I resisted the urge to say I’m not upset. Instead, I look into his concerned eyes. “This is my fault. I’m the one who hasn’t stuck to my beliefs. I’m the one living a double life. You’ve been nothing but honest and upfront.”
Something flashes over his face—guilt? We did agree to keep our secrets to ourselves.
“I just… I just think it’s been building. The cognitive dissonance, you know? You are like the ultimate guilty pleasure. I knew there would be consequences. I just hoped they would come at the end of our week together because I didn’t want anything to spoil it.”
“Could it be possible,” begins Alistair tentatively, “that you’re not actually sure what you want?”
I glare at him, waiting, my anger mounting.
“What I mean is … you said your parents were activists. Your best friend is an activist. It would be a very easy thing to be swept along?—”
My temper flares. “Are you saying I am so goddamn directionless in life that I just tack myself onto whatever everyone else is doing? Really, Alistair? Do you really think so little of me?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“It’s what you meant! You’re using what I told you when I was feeling vulnerable to win a point.”
