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“Okay,” she says. “If I calm down, will you start freaking the fuck out? Because that will definitely make me feel better.”
“Yes,” I say. “Once the shock passes, I’ll definitely be freaking out.”
Becks seems somewhat mollified by this, and leans back. We both take a breath.
“This news is very … nebulous,” I say, gesturing at the empty air around us. “That’s probably another reason I’m not panicking. What exactly do we know?”
“I think we need to meet with Danny. He’ll tell us more if he knows you’re involved. He likes you.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think I can do that.”
“What?” Becks demands. “Why?”
“Because it would be weird, going behind Alistair’s back. I’d rather just ask him.”
I don’t tell my best friend that I trust Alistair. She’d go ballistic.
“Right!” says Becks. “So, you’re going to ask a violent mob boss if he’s in fact a violent mob boss. How do you think that will go down?”
“Alistair would never hurt me,” I reply.
“That’s what you said about Jeff!”
Jeff is completely different. Jeff is an unmitigated asshole who pretends to be beneficent but is really a creepy narcissist with a sadistic bent.
“Let me guess, Ives. That was different.”
I feel attacked. “That was different!”
The dread that appeared in my stomach earlier is spreading like warm black tar inside my body, but I stay calm.
“I can tell you’re under his spell and it’s making me freak the fuck out. I feel like just standing up and walking out of here. But I can’t do that. I love you. I’m sick with worry about you.”
I don’t know what to say. “I’m sorry.” The truth is, I love Becks and Alistair, and it’s an impossible situation.
“Look,” she says, pushing her hair out of her face. “The sooner we can get you out of this, the better. We need to extricate you before you become a threat to him. He can’t know this conversation took place. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“It’s day five,” I say, as if I’m in a trance. When Becks stares back with a blank expression, I continue. “It’s day five of seven. Three more nights, if that, then we’re done.”
“What do you mean, if that?”
“We had an argument this morning. He did something really nice for me and I was a complete bitch about it.” I shrug. “It has to end, anyway. We all know that it was never going to work in the long term.”
Becks looks at me and shakes her head sadly. We sit for a moment in silence. “You really think he’s going to let you go?”
I don’t want him to let me go. I want to be with Alistair for as long as he’ll have me.
“That’s our agreement.” I know how utterly naïve I sound, and I don’t care.
“Right,” Becks says stonily.
“Please don’t be angry with me,” I plead. “I can’t stand it.”
“This isn’t anger,” Becks replies, gesturing wildly at her face. “This is fear.”
“If you’re right,” I say, “if Alistair is dangerous, don’t you think the less confrontation, the better?”
“So that’s how you’re going to play this?”
