AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My Biology of Disease professor sounds like the Charlie Brown teacher at the front of the room as I stare blankly at the whiteboard. I barely slept a wink last night, though Katie let me stay in her bed so she and Boris could keep me company.
She didn’t want me to sleep alone, and honestly, neither did I. But even snuggled between my best friend and my most loyal one, I couldn’t stop my mind from racing. And today, I can feel the effects of it.
My nerves are shot, my head pounding.
All I can think about are those two pink lines confirming—on both pregnancy tests, because I couldn’t trust it the first time—that I’m pregnant.
I’m pregnant.
I still have no clue what I’m going to do.
Even after talking it out with Katie for nearly an hour, I found no clear answer. Because I’ve put Mishka’s life in danger. Of that I’m sure. I regret ever tempting him, of asking him to set aside his reservations and be with me, because if he dies, it will be all my fault.
But I can’t keep my pregnancy a secret indefinitely. And when people find out, everything is going to fall apart.
Do I tell Mishka?
Do I try and convince him to make his escape before my parents find out?
Would he be willing to leave if he knew he’s going to be a father?
I don’t know that I can keep that kind of secret from him, but pretending I hate him and want him out of my life might be the only way I can save him. Still, I’m not sure breaking up with him would make him leave, either.
In the lecture-style seats beside me, my friends strike up a whispered conversation—something about going clubbing. But I can’t retain what they’re saying. Instead, I continue to bore a hole in the whiteboard with my eyes as I think of Mishka.
Last night was so perfect. So magical.
Before shit hit the fan.
God, I’m such an idiot. Fresh tears sting the backs of my eyes as I consider the consequences of my actions. Maybe Mishka won’t want to be with me once he finds out. Maybe he won’t forgive me for being so reckless with his life.
The thought of being a single mother is a daunting one.
But as terrified as I am by the prospect of having a baby out of wedlock—with a man my parents would never approve of—the one thing I’m certain of is that I want to keep it. With or without Mishka’s help, I want this child.
Warmth floods my chest as I think of the tiny life growing inside me.
I never dreamed I could be excited by the prospect of having a baby at twenty-one years old. Frankly, it scares the hell out of me. And still, I want to keep it.
I just don’t know how I’m supposed to do that and protect Mishka at the same time.
“Alina? Aliiinaaa,” someone says beside me, tapping my shoulder when they can’t get my attention right away.
“Hmm?” I ask, coming out of my deep thoughts and turning to face the three sets of eyes focused on me. “What?” I suddenly feel self-conscious, like maybe I was thinking out loud and now everyone knows my secret.
“Are you still planning on going clubbing with us for my birthday this weekend?” Tammy asks.
Though she’s turning twenty-two, so she’s not making it as big a deal as my birthday blowout, Tammy did come to my clubbing extravaganza, and I would feel bad to back out now. This isn’t the time to push my friends away. I suspect I’m going to need them to keep my sanity.
Plus, I can already see the disappointment growing on her face as my hesitation makes her think I’m going to say no.
“Of course!” I agree as enthusiastically as I can muster.
Still, I would rather do anything but pretend to have fun when I can’t drink, and I have no clue what I’m going to do with my massive secret that only Katie and I know about.
“Yay!” Tammy says, the excitement blossoming across her tanned face. “I was thinking Plastique again, if that sounds good to everybody. It was so fun last time,” she gushes. “And maybe this time, we can even stay the whole night.” She gives me a playful wink, teasing me for having gotten drunk enough to start a fight between my brother and the perv I tried dancing with.
“Psh,” I scoff. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We stayed so late on my birthday.”
