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Frowning, I recall the odd conversation about some “him” arriving who they didn’t want to fight.
“Well, some guy came in and said, ‘He found us.’ Then all of a sudden, they were in a huge rush to run. They had to cut me loose from the chair they'd tied me to, and it was just one guy who was in charge of bringing me. But I knew that someone had come that they didn’t want to confront, so I thought it was my best chance if I wanted to escape. I started screaming bloody murder, and when the guy backhanded me to shut me up, I just kind of… I don’t know, used the momentum to break free? I took off running. I don’t even know if he followed me.”
“That’s when I found you.”
A soft, almost crazed giggle bursts through my lips. “Yeah, more like I nearly knocked you off your feet.”
Mishka chuckles, his fingers returning to their gentle strokes as he appreciates my attempt at humor. “Believe me, it would take someone a lot heavier than you to knock me off my feet,” he assures me. “But who is the ‘he’ they were talking about, did you get any sense?”
“Well, that’s what I’m confused about. When he first said it, I thought it might be my father. And then when Viktor showed up, I had kind of assumed it might be him. But now that I think about it, that doesn’t make sense. Because from the sound of it, they tried to kidnap Viktor as well. So, wouldn’t they have wanted to stay and fight?”
“How many of them were there?”
“More than there were of you. The guy who said someone was coming definitely thought they could take you, but the boss seemed determined to run.” Glancing up at Mishka, I find a stunned look on his face. It morphs into a deeply troubled expression that makes my stomach quiver. “Do you have any idea what they could have meant?”
“I don’t,” he says darkly, his furrowed brow giving him that fierce expression that intimidated me so much when I first met him. “But I want to find out.”
I nod, returning my cheek to his chest, and now that I’ve talked about what happened, I feel strangely more at ease. Or maybe it’s just being so close to Mishka and knowing that nothing can hurt me when I’m in his arms.
A comfortable silence settles between us, and as Mishka continues to gently run his fingertips up and down my arms, my eyelids grow heavy with exhaustion.
Wrapped snugly against his chest, his steady heartbeat lulling me into a peaceful daze, I finally seem to have vanquished the haunting face of my captor.
Within moments, I sink gratefully into a deep and dreamless sleep.
18
MISHKA
The peaceful sounds of deep, restful sleep that escape Alina’s beautiful lips make it impossible for me to leave. She feels so soft and warm and relaxed in my arms, her face smooth with a calm contentment that I don’t want to disturb.
So I stay.
I stay for hours past when I said I would. I know I should go. I can’t be caught in her bedroom, or she’ll be ruined and I’ll be dead. But watching her sleep so soundly in my arms makes it agonizing to leave. Feeling her warm flesh and the persistent beat of her heart that confirms she’s alive and safe brings me a level of peace I know I won’t find once I go.
So, instead, I tell myself that I’m here to protect her. If men were watching the house the night they took her, then they might just try and break in and take her. I stay up all night, keeping guard alongside her faithful dog who curled up beside her not long after Alina fell asleep.
My mind keeps turning over what Alina told me about her kidnapping. I can’t stop wondering about the meaning behind her captors’ decision to flee. Was it because they were afraid of someone in our group? At least this Kryuger guy must be. But who and why?
It feels like I should know the answer to this, but I’m missing a key detail. I suppose Rasputin has made enough of a reputation for himself that the head honcho could have wanted to avoid facing him. But if they had us outnumbered, that seems less likely.
After mulling it over on my own for a good long time, I give up. I’m too exhausted to make much headway on the logic. So, instead, I turn my thoughts to Alina.
We haven’t talked at all about what she saw last night. How she witnessed me pull a gun on her father with the intention of killing him in cold blood. She barely touched on the subject of the basement before moving away from it, which gives me the sense that she’s not ready to discuss what happened. I can hardly blame her. She’s had a lot on her mind since our brief conversation about why I wanted to kill her father.
I can’t tell whether she’s forgiven me or if she just needed someone to hold her and make her feel safe after being taken like she was. It still makes my heart ache to relive the feeling of her trembling in my arms, the utter terror on her face when she thought I was another of her captors.
I hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me, that she might still want to be with me. Because if today has taught me anything, it’s that I can’t live without her. I won’t. But I can’t say I would blame her if she chose not to be with me. I’ve given her an impossible choice—to trust me and possibly lose her father in the process. The alternative is that she has to let me die for the decisions I’ve made.
An interesting third possibility flashes through my mind.
Maybe, if she decided to tell her father what I’ve done, I wouldn’t just let him kill me. Maybe I could find a way to love her from afar. To watch over her like an invisible protector. It’s a fanciful idea, and one I’m positive wouldn’t work because I know myself well enough to realize I couldn’t stay away.
Sighing heavily, I search for my patience. I don’t want to rush Alina into a decision. That will likely end up worse for me. But I hope she chooses to trust me, because I want to be with her so badly, to prove worthy of that trust.
My brain is so tangled in knots that before I know it, the first rays of sunrise start to creep through Alina’s window. I can hear the faint stirrings of the household below me, people waking to do their early-morning chores.
I’ve stayed as long as I can, and though it causes me physical pain to leave her, I know I have to. Easing carefully out from under Alina, I replace my chest with her pillow, trying to disturb her as little as possible.
