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The most enlightening part was that I didn’t need it to be broken.
It wasn’t just about a barrier being crossed, an obstacle being decimated to get to that point.
It was because it was him.
And right now, I needed to cling to that like never before.
11
~Killian~
He was all over him.
Asher Monroe was being openly affectionate.
And Jonah was lapping it up, while also sneaking in stares of disbelief here and there, like the whole thing was also surreal to him.
Because it fucking well was.
It had me worried that it was just a part of Ash’s recovery, that it wouldn’t last, or hold up beyond that.
He’d never admit it, but it was coming across—at least to me who knew their dynamic more than anybody else alive—as though Jonah was his lifeline, the tether to his sanity, to him not drowning in the undertow and being swept away by all the trauma he’d endured, coupled with the major pressure he was under with his role as leader.
It had become clear over the last few days that Jonah was the only one who could get within a couple of feet of him. Last night when we’d all sat down to dinner—an attempt by Aaron to inject some calming and centering normalcy into the current fucked-up state of our lives—I’d accidentally brushed against him as I’d pushed out of my chair to grab some ketchup and he’d shot out of his seat and had a steak knife to my throat in a blink. He’d ripped a couple of his stitches doing it too.
Shit.
I was glad—and relieved—that he’d found comfort like that in Jonah. What they’d done to him in that place—fuck, there were no words for it. He didn’t usually allow that kind of comfort from anybody, so it was a big deal for him.
As impossible as it seemed when it came to him, he was changing.
Not because of that torture fest, because I’d seen proof of it before in how he’d relented with me, how he’d been with Aurora, and most of all, how he’d actually given Jonah the love he’d been craving from him all this time, he’d validated his feelings and even beyond.
And it was… uncomfortable… really fucking disconcerting seeing him off-kilter, seeing how much he was affected by what had happened, by every fucking thing that had happened. So knowing he’d found something to hold onto through that was a good thing, without a doubt.
But that being Jonah worried me.
Our so-called Savage came across as a merciless animal to the outside world, to those we ruled over, to our enemies. But with me, Aurora, and Asher, he was a gentle giant. He could hurt as much as any of us. Maybe more so, because of how deep his connection was with Ash.
And if this was just a temporary thing for Ash, this open affection and care, and he ended up going back to keeping it all locked up tight and restrained all that again, it would fucking well kill Jonah.
I couldn’t say a thing about it right now, though.
Not while Ash was like this, still in recovery.
Coming from me, it would only be seen as antagonistic too. It was just the nature of our relationship. The only one who could likely broach it and fair well without destabilizing Ash in the process, was Aurora. She had a way about her with him.
And, fuck, I’d even missed that about her.
Every little thing I missed.
Every little thing I dreamed about.
And in my waking hours, I forced memories of those things to the surface and kept them there for as long as possible.
It almost gave the illusion of having her back with us.
But it was just an illusion.
