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“Ally took her to the store for school supplies.”
“I told Ally I’d take Lacey shopping next week when I get my paycheck.”
Mom sighs again. “I don’t know why she won’t go after Lacey’s dad for some money.”
I want to laugh because my mom never went after my dad for anything. She let him leave us high and dry and said we were better off without him, which definitely wasn’t true. Growing up, I asked her a time or two where he went, and she’d give me an answer, but it was never the same. I stopped asking once I suspected my mom knew where our dad was the whole time. For whatever reason, she doesn’t want him around and I have to respect her wishes.
Mom sighs again, but this time more heavily.
“What’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing.” She waves her hand in the air as if to push away her problems. Thing is, her issues are as high as Mt. Everest and they’re not going anywhere.
“Clearly, it’s not nothing. I know you. You’ve sighed three times since I’ve sat down. What’s going on?”
“Well, since you asked . . .”
I roll my eyes, fully aware she’s watching me. She does this every time she has news— whether it’s good or bad. She’s like to be dramatic. “Jerry came by today and dropped off a letter. He’s sold the park to some developer, and we have to move.”
“What?” I bark out. “Why are you being so nonchalant about this?”
She shrugs. “I didn’t want to bother you with it.”
“Are you serious, Mom? So, you’re going to what, just hide it from me?”
“You have school and the team.” Mom starts to cry, making me feel about two feet tall. I reach for her hand.
“Mom, you, Ally, and Lacey are the most important people in my life. I care about what happens here, even if I’m not living here. I care about what happens to you. It’s why I come see you every day. It’s why I make sure you guys have food and the lot rent is paid, and your car has gas. I’m your son, I’m always going to look out for you.”
My words bring a wave of tears, and she buries her face in my shoulder. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t afford any other place. I looked earlier and apartments are so expensive.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out. Does Jerry’s letter say how much time you have?”
She nods. “It says all the permits, and such will take at least six months to finalize.”
They have at least six months. I can work with that. It won’t be easy, but it’s better than thirty days. Mentally, I start a checklist in my mind. We are going to have to talk to the bank and maybe even a lawyer, although those cost money. I don’t know what the laws are with evicting people from their homes without cause, but I’m going to have to find out.
It would be nice for the three of them to come live with me in the house, but not with the others living there and there is no way I can afford to pay the rent by myself. Everything Ally earns goes to take care of Lacey, and my mother is so in debt she works to keep the bill collectors away.
While my mom and I are sitting on the deck, Jerry walks by. “How’s the team this year?” he asks.
All I can say is, “Fuck off.” He needs to know I’m pissed. He’s been a piece of shit park owner my entire life and has never put a dime back into the upkeep of this place, and the minute some developer comes calling, he sells. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Last year, I put his name on the list for tickets, but you can bet he’s not getting shit from me. Unless I meet him in a dark alley somewhere.
The situation my mom and sister are now in hits me like a ton of bricks. I’m going to have to find a way to make some more money so they can move or I’m going to need to quit the team, drop out, and get a real job, something that pays enough to put a roof over our heads and food on our table. The idea makes my stomach twist. Ever since I skated across the ice for the first time, making it to the NHL has been my dream, and it seems like no matter what I do, it’s going to slip away from me. It’s clear now, I wasn’t meant to be the next Wayne Gretzky. My name isn’t going to show on some arena’s marquee, nor will my face be plastered on posters anywhere. All because of decisions my mother has made.
Ally and Lacey return well after dinner, making me wonder if they ate out. Ally doesn’t neglect her daughter, but she does disregard a lot of the stuff going on at home. It’s hard to feel sorry for her when I’m always the one picking up the pieces for everyone. I make sure to get Lacey an ice cream from the ice cream truck before getting into my car and driving to the Point and parking. Normally, this is where one would bring a date for a nice make-out session but right now, I’m the only car here. I get out and sit on the wooden rail and look out over the darkened space. Below, I can hear waves washing ashore and there’s some faint laughter off into the distance.
This is where I come when I need to think. It’s peaceful when no one is here, and my thoughts don’t muddle together with the mindless chatter of others. My hands grip the rails and I let out a guttural scream. I’m angry at how everything falls onto my shoulders. I always have to be the one to figure everything out. Even my sister—who I love dearly—can’t seem to get her life together. But here I am, trying to make something of myself and I’m stuck caring for everyone, while trying to go to college and play hockey. Once I started playing hockey, it’s all I’ve wanted to do and my chance is swirling down the drain right before my eyes and it’s not even because of something I’ve done.
I yell out into the open expanse, cursing in between screams. Nothing makes me feel better. Nothing ever will at this point. I can see why people leave, why they disappear into the nothingness of the world because it’s easier to not care than to care.
By the time I make it back to my house, all the lights are off. I move as quietly as I can, detouring to the kitchen for a glass of water. My stomach growls and I glance at the refrigerator. I know I shouldn’t open it because my rack is empty, but I do anyway. It seems my stomach wants to be jealous of whatever my roommates ate today. I stand there and stare at my rack, the one marked “Kyler” and see a plate with a sticky note on it.
Kyler,
We missed you at dinner. This is homemade mac and cheese. If you need more, the pot on the bottom is full. Help yourself.
(heart) Thea
