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“It’s okay. I’ve been a little out of sorts since I found out this afternoon,” she mutters, reaching for the bottle of water and taking a drink.
I don’t ask her for confirmation that it’s my baby. She wouldn’t be here if it weren’t, and I’ve known Hallie my whole life. She’s not one to lie about something like this. Hell, I’ve never known her to lie about anything. She’s usually blunt and straightforward, one of the qualities I’ve always liked most about her besides her loyalty, empathy, and grace.
“I’m sorry,” I find myself saying, realizing this is all my fault.
“What? Why?”
I turn a little in my seat and reach for her hand. “I didn’t protect you. I should have thought with my big head, not the little one.”
“Logan—”
“No, this is on me, Hal. I should have kept a cool head long enough to realize I wasn’t using a condom.”
The corner of her mouth ticks up in a grin. “Every time?”
A parade of dirty images filter through my mind, and as much as I try to push them away, they won’t leave.
Shaking my head, I reply, “Every time. It was my responsibility to make sure we were protected from disease and pregnancy.”
“No, it was both of our responsibility, and I was just as…caught up in the moment as you.”
I lean over and bump my shoulder against hers as I say, “There were some pretty good moments.”
She snorts in reply but smiles as she leans into my shoulder with hers. “Yeah, maybe.”
We sit here, her hand still tucked inside mine as I run my thumb over her knuckles. Everything flashes before my eyes. I’m going to be a dad. Holding my child for the first time, rocking him or her to sleep at night, 2:00 a.m. feedings, baths, and giggles. I see it all so clearly, even if this wasn’t exactly how I thought it would happen.
“What now? I’ll follow your lead, Hal.”
She exhales and leans her head against my shoulder. I try to ignore how good it feels to have her beside me like this. “I’m not really sure yet. I guess, I knew I needed to tell you, though I wasn’t sure when I was going to do that. But after Blair confirmed it this afternoon, I went home and just…I don’t know. Didn’t want to be there by myself, so I went to your house, but you weren’t there. I thought about going to the football scrimmage, but I wasn’t really in a people-y mood. I started driving around and just sort of ended up here. I don’t know why, because I actually thought you’d be at the football field with everyone else.”
“I was planning on it, but then TD texted me, so I changed my plans.”
We sit together in silence for another minute, both lost in our own thoughts, before she says, “I’m not ready to tell everyone yet. I’d really like to give it a bit just to wrap my head around this.”
“All right, I’m fine with that. We won’t tell anyone right now.”
“Except Blair knows, but she said she wouldn’t tell my brother unless she absolutely had to. I’d never ask her to lie to him, so if something has to be said for whatever reason, she has my permission to tell him.”
I squeeze her hand.
Suddenly, she pulls away enough so she can turn and face me. “Okay, so I need to say this, so just wait until I’m done before you respond, all right?” When I nod, she continues, “I’m keeping this baby. This wasn’t the way I thought I’d become a mother, but what’s done is done. If you want to be involved, you can. If not, I get it. I won’t ask anything of you ever, but I also won’t sit there and beg you to be involved. I know what Ellie went through, and although being a single mother wasn’t planned, it’s happened. I’ll be okay.”
Even though I know she has more to say, I interrupt anyway, needing to say my piece. “I’ll be there every step of the way, Hal. You won’t ever be alone in this. We made this baby together, and we’ll raise him or her that way.”
The corner of her mouth slips up for a flash. “But we’re not together.”
“Not in the traditional sense, no, but I’ll still be there for you and the baby.” I toss my arm around her shoulder and hug her. “We’ll figure it out, but it doesn’t have to be today, all right? We both were dealt a pretty big blow, so let’s just take some time to process and then we can talk again.”
“Yeah, okay,” she replies with a sudden yawn. Just as she does, her stomach growls angrily, making me chuckle.
“Come on,” I insist, standing up and extending my hand to her. “Let’s go feed my baby.”
When she stands, I can’t help but notice a blush on her cheeks. I’m not sure exactly what caused it, but I do like seeing the coloring return to her beautiful face. I didn’t realize it until just now, but she was a little pale when she pulled in and walked toward me.
“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. This baby doesn’t seem to like food.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “You mean my baby?”
