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We do it again. His lips on my neck, my lips on his, our eyes tenderly locked on each other as we speak.
I love it.
I hate it.
George is happy after the second run, so we move on.
When we begin again, Kai hooks his fingers under the hem of my dress and pushes it up my waist. I’m wearing bike shorts under my dress today, but my costume will be white underwear with little red flowers and lace trim. Delicate. Innocent.
Kai’s eyes never leave mine, and then his lips return to my throat as he guides me down onto my back on the blanket.
He kisses down my chest and I close my eyes, pretending to pretend like I’m enjoying it. He touches me so gently, but with the purpose and confidence that William possesses.
He rests his ear just above my breast. “Your heart is pounding like gunfire.”
I wonder if he can hear that it really is.
He raises his head as he hovers above me, and then he leans in and kisses me again. I lift my hands to his shoulders and pull him closer.
“Ok, pause for one moment.” Sarah crouches down next to us and we pull away. “Kai, for this next part, you’ll move your hand from her cheek, down to her leg, letting her dress cover it like we talked about. To make it look like you’re touching her, move your shoulder, but not your hand. To the audience, it’ll seem much more intimate.” She looks at me. “Sophie, I know this is not the most natural thing to pretend, but this last part, before the lights go out, you’ll be reacting as if William is really touching you. Close your eyes. Get lost in a memory if that helps. Whatever you have to do to make it appear realistic. You’ll slowly drop your head back after you tell William you love him, and that’s the cue for the lights to go out.”
I take another breath as Kai lowers himself to me again. I can barely look at him. This specific part of the scene hits a little too close to home. In our steamy tangled mess of arms at the hotel in Long Island, he did make it this far. For some reason, the fact that he saw my true reaction when he touched me that night makes faking it so much more daunting. And Sarah wants me to work from a memory. Kai knows my only memory…is him.
“And Kai, right after the line where Elaine tells you she loves you, you shift forward as if you’re beginning the act. It’s the point of penetration, and that’s where the scene ends,” Sarah says as if it’s as technical as a sports play, but I don’t know any sport like this.
“Let’s continue,” George says.
With extreme reluctance, I turn my eyes to Kai. He gazes back at me, longing written on his face. On William’s face.
It isn’t real.
It isn’t real.
It isn’t real.
He trails his fingers, feather-light down the center of my chest, and to my leg. His unwavering eye contact makes me feel the most vulnerable yet, but I have no time to hesitate. When his fingers meet my leg and he begins to move his shoulder, I close my eyes and bite my lip, allowing my breath to increase little by little. I try to take inspiration for my expressions from the movies, not from memories, but when I open my eyes again and see Kai watching me, all thoughts of anything else leave my mind.
“I love you, Elaine…” he says. It’s strained. Even though he’s acting, it’s hard for him to say that, I can tell.
“I love you, William,” I reply, trying to find my way back to Elaine’s mind.
It’s too much and not enough all at the same time. I’m too close to him. Too close to someone who promised to only be a friend. But as he lays across me and his lips brush my cheek so gently, I have the urge to pull him impossibly closer.
Kai buries his face in my neck again, and then he shifts forward and lets out a sharp exhale. The sound sends a shiver down my spine and I part my lips, acting as though the pressure and the pleasure continue to build, even though it isn’t even there at all. I squeeze my eyes shut again, like I’m experiencing it all for the first time, and then I arch my head and back against the blanket beneath me.
“That was perfect!” Sarah exclaims, ending the scene.
Kai pulls away and I instantly feel an unstoppable urge to laugh. I’ve just pretended like I’m in the throes of pleasure while we’re both fully clothed and Kai’s hand rests unmoving on my thigh. It’s bizarre to do this. I bring my hand to my mouth as a giggle escapes.
He looks down at me and smirks.
“I’m sorry.” I chuckle, trying to collect myself. “It’s just so ridiculous.”
Kai’s eyes crinkle. “It is, isn’t it?”
George laughs. “You guys are doing great. Let’s run it again.”
This is going to be a long morning.
