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“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do right now.” He glances slowly between the letter and me, his mouth opening and closing in a wordless stutter.
“You don’t have to do anything.”
“But I’m your dad. I’m supposed to know what to do. I’m supposed to notice when you aren’t okay. I just thought…” His voice trails off again, and he shakes his head. “I should have sent you to counseling as soon as your airplane landed. You were a grieving teenager, and I was stupid to think a change of scenery would keep your mind off things.”
“You’re not stupid, Dad.”
He sinks down onto the edge of the bed and runs his fingers through his hair. “Do you want to call a hotline or something? Talk things out?”
“Right now, I just want to watch the news for any word of Alek.”
“I’m going to strangle that boy.” He clenches the letter in his fist and crumples the paper. “He broke your heart.”
“It’s not Alek’s fault. If anything, he delayed it.”
My depression existed long before Alek came into my life and made me fall for him. He gave me hope. He gave me something to live for, a future I could picture in my mind. Our love kept me going.
The crinkled letter hangs from my dad’s hand as he rests his elbows on his knees. Hunched over like this, he looks broken in a way a girl isn’t supposed to see her father.
“I was so close to losing you today.” He clasps his hand over his mouth when his voice breaks. “I didn’t know where you were or if you were even alive. If I ever lost you, Willow, I don’t know what I’d do. A child isn’t supposed to die before their parents. It’s not right.”
I stare blankly at the ceiling and let out a sigh. “I realized something today when I was hiding out in the bathroom.”
He turns to look at me, his eyes red and brimming with tears. “And what was that?”
“I’ve been running away from my problems for a long time.” I close my eyes. “Always searching for an escape, whether it was boys or books. Eventually, I just wanted to end it all to find a way out.”
Dad reaches across the bed and takes my hand, and he grips it so, so tight. Like he’s afraid of what will happen when he lets go. “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right, and I’m tired of running. Every time something bad happens in my life, I react like a helpless little girl and hide. This whole time, I thought I was the victim. But I’m not helpless, and I’m not a victim, and it’s time to grow up and face those problems head-on.”
My dad runs his thumb across my hand. “I know, honey. But it’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to do this alone.”
I sit up and look him in the eye. “I’ve been taking it out on you and Galina, and I’m sorry. That was childish, and I’m not a child anymore.”
With a smile, he closes his eyes, and a tear drips down his cheek. “I’m so damn proud of you. Growing up can be a scary thing, but you’re ready. You have people who love you and will be cheering you on every step of the way, and if you stumble, we’ll be there to help you get back on your feet.”
My eyes start to sting with hot tears, so I wipe them away with my hand. “Thanks.”
“Come here, honey.” He opens his arm toward me, and when I crawl over beside him, he wraps both of them around my shoulders. When I hug him back, he plants a kiss on my head.
“I love you, Dad,” I whisper.
“I love you, too. Don’t ever forget that.”
Chapter 30
Alek
Everything around me is pitch black.
After offering my cooperation in exchange for a ceasefire, the rebels put a bag over my head and shoved me into the back of a van.
With my wrists tied behind my back, my arm went numb. Blood is still seeping from the bullet wound, so if I’m murdered, at least my DNA will be all over this vehicle.
I’m not sure how long we’ve been driving. An hour? The car hasn’t made a turn in a while, so it’s likely we’re on a freeway or rural road. We can’t be in the city anymore.
The other people in the vehicle are silent, but I’ve made out three distinct individuals based on their coughs, breathing, and the way they shift in their seats. Three to one aren’t great odds for me, given my current state.
