AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“What? No party hats or any of the usual Kennedy Novak flare?”
“Not tonight.” I extended my arm up, curling it around the back of his neck for a kiss, and he skimmed his hand up and down the inside of my leg before cupping my sex. I loved that he felt so much ownership of my body because I felt ownership over his. Whether it was lacing our fingers together, skating my hands over his torso, or slipping my hand into his boxer briefs, I wasn’t afraid to show him how I felt.
And I loved knowing he wasn’t either.
Right now, what I felt was the hot thrill of possession.
“How can we celebrate the new year without any of your sparkle, hmm?” He coasted his hand up to my breast, kneading it, and I sucked in a sharp breath when he pinched my nipple.
“I trust you can think of something,” I murmured into another kiss. “Especially with that box of condoms we have yet to open.”
He nipped at my bottom lip. “I’ll take care of opening the champagne if you go grab them and find a good playlist.”
I scampered away, not wanting to waste any more time, and nabbed the condoms before connecting my cell phone to the Bluetooth speaker in the living room to play Niall Horan. Meanwhile, Liam had opened the champagne and muted the television, which was tuned to the countdown. He offered me one of the glasses, watching me over the rim of his as he drank.
The champagne was crisp and tart, the fizz settling on my tongue like the bubbles in my belly. I licked my lips after downing all of it and held the glass out for a refill. Liam smiled and poured more. “You better slow down. Make it last a little longer.”
“What’s the fun in that?”
He ticked his head to the side. “Didn’t you ever hear anticipation makes it better?”
And I ticked my head to the side. “Didn’t you ever hear that ladies can get blue balls too?”
He let out a soft chuckle then took my glass from me before I even had a sip to set them both down on the coffee table. “Dance with me.”
He wiggled his fingers in my direction and hauled me off the couch once I placed my hand in his. He led me to the open space in front of the TV, cleared of toys, and wrapped one arm around my waist as he kissed the back of my other hand and held it in his against his chest. I tipped my head back, staring up at him, as he swayed us in a circle. I could feel his heartbeat behind my hand, a stable and soothing rhythm. Like him, stable and soothing.
I could spend the rest of my life looking, but I knew I’d never find a better man than Liam O’Neil. And yet, I couldn’t tell him. Because even though he made me feel safe and secure, like I could do or be anything I wanted, I didn’t know if I was enough for him. He was on his way to being a tenured professor, and I was Finn’s nanny.
If Liam and I were to solidify this growing relationship, it would leave me jobless yet again. I couldn’t rely solely on him. Not to mention, my epilepsy always hung over me like a rain cloud before a storm. My specific type was genetic, and I wasn’t crazy about the idea of having my own kids and passing it on to them. Seizures were terrifying, and I wouldn’t willingly put anyone else through that, but Liam was still young and if he wanted to, he could have more kids. He could choose another woman, one who wasn’t flighty or so high-maintenance, one who had a steady job and didn’t suffer from epilepsy.
It was impossible to take that next step and offer myself to him when I knew what I had to offer wasn’t all that great.
“What’re you thinking about?” he asked, the hand at my back tensing ever so slightly, his fingertips pressing into my spine.
“You.”
“What about me?”
I motioned to the condoms. “I have an IUD, but I always insist the guy wears a condom because I can’t get pregnant.” Liam stared evenly at me, as if he knew I had more on my mind, so I went on, “I can’t take birth control pills… I mean, Icouldtake birth control, but one of my medications negates it. And if I were to get pregnant, another one would cause severe birth defects, and adifferent onewould make it almost impossible for me to carry to term because of what it would do to me.”
He nodded solemnly. “I understand why you’re so cautious. I’m glad you are.”
“Besides my neurologist, I also see a cardiologist because sometimes one of the pills causes heart problems, and if I ever want to change any of the medications, I have to see all my doctors to make sure they all sign off that it’s safe for me.”
We’d stopped dancing, but I hadn’t realized until Liam stood in front of me, holding my face between my hands. “You never have to?—”
“What I’m trying to say is that if I ever want to have children of my own, I’d have to go off some of the medications I’m on now. And it would take months or years to find ones that would allow me to, first, become pregnant without having seizures and, then, not have complications for me or the baby. And then there’s the possibility of the kid inheriting epilepsy from me. And I’m not sure I want to go through all of that or put anyone else through it either.”
He bent to me with a soft utterance of “Angel” and then an even gentler touch of his lips to mine. I curled my hands into his shirt, leaning heavily into him because I knew he’d always hold me up. But I didn’t know if I wanted to put him in that position for the rest of our lives. He deserved so much more than that, being a crutch for me.
His lips brushed over my cheek as he angled my head, allowing him access to my throat, to suck and bite at it until I couldn’t take it anymore and batted his hands away. I reached for the hem of his shirt, intent on removing it, but he stopped me. “I want you to dance for me.”
I stepped away from him. “What?”
“I want a striptease from you.”
“Why am I always the one doing the work?” I put my hands on my hips, earning an arch of his eyebrow because this man dida lotof work.
