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She looked more put out for me than I felt about it. Sure, maybe there was a hint of longing for a guy like Luke to want me as the real deal, but I needed to play it safe. I’d been burned before–which was why I was doing this in the first place–and I didn’t want it again.
Duncan and his ring were one thing. A famous person whose life and career hung in the balance of the media? I knew all too well what was at stake. Being a senator, my mother’s job was to woo the voters because if they didn’t like her, they’d vote for someone else. So she had to be perfect, be exactly what they wanted and expected at all times. My pregnancy oopsie had been a liability for her. I was the liability. I’d been dumped by my parents because I wasn’t perfect enough to be kept.
“The real kind where you fall in love,” she said.
My mouth fell open. “Um, Mal, I had a one-night stand with the guy. I’m going to be his fake girlfriend. Besides that night, we went on a hike and had ice cream with three kids. Then he took my yoga class where I couldn’t talk to him.”
“Yeah, only check out his fine ass in Downward Dog,” she countered with a grin.
“Then,” I continued, stressing the word. “We went for pizza, and he sat at the other end of the table. I literally haven’t talked to the man beyond doing trivia.”
She shrugged. “Who wants to talk when you could be doing other things?”
“If you want me to have a real relationship he and I need to talk.”
She flung up her hands, clearly frustrated. “But no one asks a woman to be a fake anything if there’s a chance of being something real. Why are you so okay with this?”
Because he was going to pay me fifty thousand dollars. Crazy? Yes. But I needed that money and I’d been a drunk idiot and blurted out way too much about my life to him. Now Luke knew my weak and shameful spot. No, he wasn’t using it against me. It was more like a dangling carrot. He was going to solve my Duncan problem. All I had to do was pretend to be into him for a week to turn his image around and get the film role.
Which was not hard to do.
“Because unlike Duncan, I know where I stand with him,” I explained, setting my hands on my hips. “I know it’s pretend.”
She sighed. “Right, but not all guys are like Duncan,” she reminded.
I agreed, but I hadn’t met any of them. “It’s short term. We’re going to work together to get the tabloids to show him favorably so he can get the part. I guess–”
“In that action-adventure movie?” Her eyes widened and she clapped her hands together in glee. “Oh my God, I heard about that!”
“Right, well, his coworker Lacey something is feeding the rumors about him being in rehab.”
Her eyes widened. “What? Lacey Anderson?” She spun around and ran into her kitchen. She had a little Victorian house so she only had to go about ten steps. I followed and watched as she swiped her screen and started reading. “Wow. Yeah. Rehab. Choosing alcohol and drugs over a solid relationship with… that bitch.”
I blinked. “Wow, Mal, those are harsh words.” Especially since she said things like fudge and sugar so she didn’t let any bad words drop when she was teaching her first graders.
“My mother chose alcohol over me. I know how it can really be. I’d hate for someone to accuse me of that. He should sue!”
“He said they use words like supposedly to make it unofficial and not directly slanderous.”
She looked down and laughed, then started reading aloud. “Derek Dashwood is said to be recovering from a drinking binge and has purportedly checked himself into rehab for substance abuse.”
“The article he showed me earlier said he was in for a mental health crisis.”
I felt for Luke because I knew what it was like to be cast in a harsh light. What people were saying about him were complete lies. What my mother said about me had been lies, too. I’d been built up since birth to be something that wasn’t achievable: perfection. Yes, I’d been made a very young soloist in a premiere ballet company. But I’d blown it by getting pregnant.
When I found out I was having Sierra, everything changed. I loved her before I was even showing. She was mine. Mine! I was fierce about my daughter, but it was fierce love. She was her own little person, not a prop, like I was for my mother.
My mother hadn’t given a shit that I’d been–in her words–promiscuous. She cared that I had proof of it: Sierra. No senator could have a single mother for a child, especially with the father being a foreigner with zero intention of marriage. As if. God forbid she be called a grandmother.
But because I’d ruined her desired image of me as the perfect daughter, I was cast aside. Tossed out. Taken off the family narrative. I’d destroyed my entire life by having Sierra.
That’s what my mother thought at least.
Me? I’d saved my life.
As for Luke, if he wasn’t exactly as Lacey wanted, he was tarnished. The job he wanted–hell, the life he wanted–would be kept from him.
Fuck that shit.
