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He frowns at me. “You’re risking your position on the team, and you’re risking your career. Now I don’t completely understand what went down with this gold digger you married?—”
I raise my hands. “Dad, she’s not a gold digger. I don’t know who told you that, but her family is quite well-off?—”
He doesn’t want to hear it. “Son, what woman in her right mind would go to Vegas with you and agree to get married when she’s known you less than a week?”
Okay. “So, you’re saying the only way a woman would do that was if she was after my money? There’s no other possible reason?”
He shrugs. “I know what it’s like to be in your shoes. The women throw themselves at you.”
God help me. There are so many things I want to say, but I don’t dare.
“Dump the girl, Rake. You need to get your side of the street clean. Stay home, no more women, focus on hockey and nothing else.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “Dad, you really don’t know what you’re talking about. Petal is a great woman?—”
“Son, you know hockey careers are short. You need to focus while you can. You do not need any distraction. This isn’t just a game, at your level. It’s your life. You’ve been given a gift and you could lose it at any minute. Look what happened to me.”
“Dad, I know you’ve always been disappointed to have lost out on the pro hockey career you really wanted?—”
“Rake, when I realized my career was over, I did everything for you to succeed where I didn’t. All the money and time I sacrificed so you could have the life I didn’t. The lessons, everything I did to get you started in this career, none of it came cheap. I can’t have you throwing it away.”
“I hear you, Dad. I’m glad you’re being straight with me. But I’m going to do things a little differently than you. I’m a different person.”
He doesn’t like this and slams his hand down on the bleacher seat. “You are ungrateful,” he says, his voice rising. “Everything I did for you, all the money I spent on you?—”
“Okay, Dad. I thought you did all that to help me, but now I see you were doing it for yourself. I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you. How about I write you a check for everything I owe you? I’ve got the money. You know I do.”
And… that was the wrong thing to say. My father gets to his feet, his fists clenched, and for a moment I wonder if he’s going to punch me. He scoffs and turns, heading for the rink exit.
He’s always been an overbearing blowhard. I can remember him arguing with my coaches, the referees, and even the other parents when I was a kid playing hockey. I always thought he did that because he was so passionate about the game. And that he loved seeing his son play it.
Now I’m thinking he did it just because he was mad he wasn’t the one playing.
37
PETAL
“That sounds like a horrendous fight,Rake. I’m so sorry.” Petal takes my hand across the front seat. It feels nice, and I grip hers back, my hand pretty much swallowing hers.
It fucking sucked. I walked around the rest of the day like a zombie. I don’t know how I got to be twenty-nine years old and not see my father more clearly.
I know the man loves me, and he’s always done his best to be a good father. But his bitterness is so great, so poisonous, it finally erupted in all its painful glory.
And I was just on the receiving end of every disappointment he’s ever had.
Not fun.
“It was bad. No doubt about it. I finally forced myself to see him for who he is, and the picture before me is not an attractive one. He’s a bully, been pushing me around all my life. You should hear him when he calls me after a game. He picks apart every single thing I did, like he took notes on my performance or something.”
I don’t usually talk about this. I don’t like to sound like a whiny bitch. But everything came to a head so violently and unexpectedly, that it actually feels good to tell Petal about it. She’s listening without judgment. She’s not trying to offer solutions. She’s just here, and right now, that’s what I need more than anything.
“I think you’ll find a way to work through it,” she says. “It might not be easy, but you’re a good man, Rake, and I’m sure deep down your dad is too.”
“I wish I were that confident. The man is so bitter about his own failings, and my success seems to rub salt in his wounds.”
I always knew he was disappointed his own pro hockey career was thwarted. That’s no surprise. But it’s like he resents that fact that I have something he doesn’t. That shit hurts like hell.
We pull into the parking lot at the Tennessee Valley Trailhead. Petal promised to take me on her favorite hike in the Marin Headlands, just outside San Francisco, and there’s nothing more I’d like to do than spend a beautiful day outdoors with my girl.
