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She nods and gives me a small smile. It’s nothing like the bright and genuine ones that I crave for her to give me as she starts toward the lake. I follow closely beside her, my fingers itching to thread through hers but I manage to keep them at my side. When we get to a good spot under a tree, I sink into the grass and lean against it before sitting the basket in front of me.
I glance up at her with a smile. “Sit down, I won’t bite. Not yet, at least.”
Her cheeks turn pink at my words and I can’t help how easily my mind falls onto thoughts of her skin turning pink from the palm of my hand. She sinks down beside me and reaches for the basket, pulling the food out that I bought for the two of us.
“This is nice,” she mumbles over a bite of her food. “You do remember me saying this wasn’t a date, right?”
This will end up being a date if I have anything to do with it, but I’m no idiot. I don’t say it out loud. Instead I nod and give her a smile. “Obviously. Am I not allowed to have lunch with you?”
She sighs and sets the food down. “I don’t want things to get confusing for either of us. This can’t be more than what we agreed on.” Judging by the way she can’t seem to look me in the eyes while saying that, I’m willing to bet that she’s feeling everything that I am. I just have to coax it out of her.
“What if I want it to be more, Sav?”
Savanna closes her eyes slowly and takes a deep breath, opening them up again to look at me. “I can’t do that, Dawson. Not again.”
I bring my hand up to her cheek, brushing my knuckles against her flawless skin, and say, “It wouldn’t end up the same way as it did before.”
“How do you know that?”
“I made the biggest mistake of my life when I let you go and I’ll never stop trying to make up for that, or fighting for what we had… what we could still have if we let it happen.” I thread my fingers through the soft strands falling in front of her face and brush them back, keeping my palm at the back of her head. “Tell me you don’t feel this connection, Sav, and I’ll let you go right now.”
Chapter Fifteen
Savanna
He’s staring at me, silently waiting for the answers I can’t give.
If I tell him I don’t feel a connection between us, I’ll be lying, but if I admit to the connection, he’ll just keep trying. I stand from my place on the ground, wiping the dirt from my ass and sigh. “Maybe this was a bad idea. I should get home and see how my dad is doing.”
He doesn’t say anything as I back away from him and hurry across the grass, getting into my car faster than I ever have before. I’m shaking uncontrollably as I pull in front of my parents’ house, my breathing exercises not doing a damn thing for me, and I quickly exit my car. My mother is in the kitchen, cooking something on the stove, and she spins around to look at me.
“Savanna, sweetie, what’s got you in such a rush?”
I shake my head and hurry down the hall, not bothering to give her a response back because this is a conversation for someone else. My dad is sitting up in bed when I walk into the room and I go over and give him a hug.
“Hi baby girl, how’re you today?” he says.
It doesn’t matter how old I get, I’ll never get tired of hearing my dad call me ‘baby girl’ as if I’m still that five year-old who followed him around everywhere. I take a deep breath and shrug my shoulders. “Not so sure anymore, Daddy.”
“Want to talk about it?”
Do I want to? No. Should I, before I make a terrible mistake? Definitely.
“You remember Dawson, right?” I’m not stupid enough to think he doesn’t, but I might as well start the conversation on a less stressful note.
My dad gives me a sad smile and nods. “Of course, I helped him out years ago.” When I sit there silently, his hand covers mine and he asks, “What’s going on?”
“It wasn’t supposed to end up like this,” I say softly while twisting a strand of my hair around my finger. “He hurt me, Daddy. I was supposed to hate him for it.”
My dad sighs. “But you don’t?”
“I don’t know. We’ve been spending time together and things are becoming complicated.” I’d rather not go into detail about our relationship even if I am a grown adult now.
“Ah. You’re guarding your heart.”
“Obviously. I never want to feel that way again, and the only thing I remember when I look at him is how much he hurt me. What if he does it again?”
“Baby girl, I’ve known Dawson since he was a little boy and I’ve never seen him as messed up as when you left. He made a mistake and paid for it too. Do you really think that you could walk away from a second chance now that you’re older?”
