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Before I make my presence known, I hear my mom humming a familiar tune and my dad whistling along with her. I smile to myself. The sound is perfect because, just like in life, they’re always in tune with one another. They’re standing side by side at the kitchen island, smiles on their faces, not a clue they have an audience.
My dad reaches over and swats my mom on the bottom. She throws her head back, a bubble of laughter escaping, the scene before me part sweet and part awkward. Just when I decide I better make my presence known before the cuteness of their love wears off, my mom’s eyes glance in the direction of the doorway where I’m hovering.
“Oh,” her mouth making a small oval shape that replicates her thoughts. “Parker, when did you get here?” A full, happy smile spreads across her face.
“Hello, son,” my dad says casually as he cuts more veggie for the appetizer platter he’s making.
Walking further into the kitchen, I return their joyful expressions with a big grin. “Just now. Can I help with anything?”
My mom waves my inquiry off. “You just sit down right there. Your dad and I’ve got this handled. Talk to us, tell us what’s on your mind before the rest of the brood gets here,” she gently demands.
As I take a seat, I laugh, “What makes you think I have anything on my mind?”
My dad walks over to the sink and rinses off the knife he’s been chopping with and chimes in, “Well, we’ve noticed since the engagement party a few weeks ago that you’ve been a little off. Then when I talked to you the other night, I got off the phone feeling like you were troubled by something.”
How do they do that? How do they always know when I am wrestling with something emotionally, and I need guidance. It’s not just me, though, it’s that way with all their children. I know because Drew has told me many times over the years how they always know when he needs them.
“You know we aren’t trying to pry, honey. We just love you, and if you need someone to talk to, then we hope you know we are always here for you. This is our job as your parents,” she explains when I don’t respond right away.
Shaking my head slightly, I ease her mind and reassure her that I don’t think they’re intruding. “Mom, I don’t feel like you’re prying; I just don’t get how you guys always know when one of us requires some guidance,” I reassure her before continuing. “But right now, I can’t explain what’s going on in my mind.”
And that’s the truth. At times, I think maybe the reason I am struggling emotionally right now is that I cannot explain in words how I’m feeling. Instead, I’m overwhelmed, and that is a new emotion to me.
“Honey, you know you can talk to me and your dad about anything, right?” she unnecessarily reassures me.
“Yes, Mom. I know, but when I say I can’t explain what I’m feeling, it’s the truth. I just don’t know how to explain it other than to say, I’m completely overcome by emotions. Emotions that feel out of my control. Emotions that I’m either not used to having or those I’m normally capable of maneuvering through until I feel like I’m on solid ground again. For some reason, I can’t seem to steady myself, and that is making things worse,” I pause, rubbing my temples as if this will help me express myself more clearly to my parents. I continue, “I’m all over the place, and frankly, I’m drowning. Completely submerged in my own thoughts and feelings to the point that it’s affecting everything, including the way I treat everyone around me.”
“Son, it sounds like you need two things. One, quit being so hard on yourself, and two, take a deep breath,” my dad states calmly. I’m not sure if he literally meant I should take a deep breath at that moment, but I do anyway. It seems like it was exactly what I need right now. He walks around the kitchen island and takes a seat next to me before continuing. “Parker, usually when I feel bogged down by my feelings, and I feel out of control, it’s partly because I’m avoiding the truth of what is truly going on.” I catch a glimpse of my mom from the corner of my eye, and she’s nodding her head in agreement.
Is that it? Am I avoiding what I’m really feeling? I know the answer.
“How did you know you were ready to trust Mom with your heart? Or you, Mom? How did you know when to trust Dad with yours?” I keep going, “How did Drew, after all he went through, know he could trust Rosie? How do you know?”
At first, I watch as my mom’s eyes widen then soften as if she has a revelation, one that surprised her and then made her feel pity. She reaches across the counter and places her hand over mine. “Parker, honey, only you can know that for yourself. I know that doesn’t make you feel better.”
She gave my hand one more small squeeze before pulling away again.
“Your mother is right…as usual, I might add,” Dad says, sending a smirk my mom’s way. “Only you can know when you’re ready to trust someone. But I hope you realize there is never a guarantee when it comes to love or anything in life for that matter. You just have to decide if this one person is worth the risk of falling in love. Love is always a risk. A risk worth taking.”
I let their words sink in. I’ve always thought of myself as a risk-taker, but maybe I’ve been lying to myself.
“Just be honest with yourself. Because, Parks, it sounds like you know exactly what is on your mind. We won’t pry any further but know you deserve love. You deserve a happily ever after, and if you see something in this girl who has sent you into a tailspin of emotions, then you owe it to yourself and her to just be honest. Time doesn’t stop until you get your thoughts in order. Be certain, but don’t let happiness pass you by if that is what you’ve found,” Mom advises in her usual way. She is basically telling me not to be an idiot while allowing me to make my own decision.
“Thanks, you guys,” I concede. I start to elaborate, feeling more at ease with the thoughts going through my mind when I hear chatter echoing from the front of the house. It’s Rosie, she laughs, then Drew says something I can’t quite distinguish. And then I hear her. A chill runs over my skin as it does every time she is near. I close my eyes at the intensity of it. When I open my eyes again, my mom stares at me with a thoughtful expression. Does she know? How could she though?
Drew’s voice carries through the house as he yells out, “Mom! Dad! We’re here.”
“We’re in the kitchen, Drew,” my dad hollers back.
Trying to collect myself, I don’t turn around immediately when they enter the room. It’s been a week since I’ve seen Abbey. It’s been a long week. I know seeing her will definitely impact all the thoughts I’ve stuffed down and been consumed with over this past week.
As I slowly turn toward them, Drew says, “Hey, Parks! Glad to see you.” No awkwardness, no uneasiness. It’s as if our conversation earlier this morning never happened. Yet another favorite thing about my family, we don’t bring up unnecessary feelings.
I put a smile on my face as I stand and accept the hug Drew is initiating with me. “Hey, little brother,” I greet him in return as I allow myself to glance over his shoulder in the direction I know Abbey is standing. Our gazes lock, and she smiles timidly, lifting her hand in a slight wave. I give her a tight smile back. “And ladies, always good to see you,” I continue as I pull back from my embrace with Drew.
Walking around Drew, I hug Rosie next. “Hi, Parker. Weird, I haven’t seen you all week.”
“Hey, Rose, yeah. I had a busy week,” I reply. “Abbey, glad you can join us,” I address her as I pull away from Rosie. When I turn around, Drew is giving an approving smile.
