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Dear Abbey, I want to tell you I’m sorry in a hundred different ways. I screwed up in more ways than I can count. All the ways I want to say I’m sorry and all the things I feel I need to express my regrets for can’t be listed on this note. I need to apologize in person. You’re not here, though.
What I can do through this short letter is express how stupid I’ve been. I can also tell you how wrong I’ve been. I let my pride and jealousy get in the way. I promise we can get through tonight with all these unfinished things still hanging between us. We may still have disagreements. But know this, I promise to never fight with you. But what you need to know is, whether you think you want me to or not, I will fight for you. When the time is right, after Rosie and Drew’s wedding, I want to have that talk we never had, the one we never made a priority. I want to tell the rest of this to you in person. Parker
Tears streaming down my face, I pick up my phone from the side table and dial her number. The phone barely rings once before I hear her voice chime through the phone. “Hi, baby!”
“Mom,” I say with a sob. I couldn’t hold back the tears, even if I wanted to at this point.
“Abbey, what’s the matter?” she asks me, concern filling her voice. I hiccup as I try to gain composure. I don’t even know if I can say this out loud to anyone, let alone her, but as soon as the thought went through my mind while reading Parker’s note, my mom’s voice was the thing I needed to hear most. “Abbey DeDiego, use your words and tell me what is wrong. Are you hurt?” No, Mom, I’m just afraid of being hurt. Really hurt. Like you were all those years ago.
“Gawd, Mom…I think…no. No, I don’t think. There is no thinking about it,” I ramble, and I hear her sigh deeply through the phone. “Mom, I’m in love.” I finally confess.
“Oh!” She exclaims. “In love? This is wonderful, honey. Isn’t it? I mean, you’re crying, and I…I’m so confused,” the excitement and uncertainty clear in her words.
“I didn’t want to fall in love, Mom,” I tell her. “I’ve avoided falling in love all these years, and now it’s happened. I don’t think I can stop it. It happened, and now I’m scared.”
She hums like she always does when she’s listening to me and is holding back her opinions. Since I don’t say anything more, she finally decides she can speak. “Abbey, can I ask you a question?”
I nod my head even though she can’t see me. “Sure,” I finally say. “Why?” she asks and leaves it at that.
“Why?” I repeat.
“Yes, baby. Why? Why have you avoided falling in love all this time? Why are you afraid?”
I choke down another sob. Partly because it hurts me to say what I’m about to say and also because it will probably hurt her. “I just can’t allow myself to be hurt by love the way you have in your life. The pain I’ve seen you go through and endure. Love has always ended in hurt. Daddy didn’t even love us enough to stay.” She is silent, and after a moment, I whisper, “Mom. I’m so sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean…”
Her words interrupt me. “Baby, you have nothing to apologize for at all. I do. I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression that love isn’t worth the risk. Love is beautiful. The key point of what you said about me and love is that I endured it. Endured. What an amazing word. Think about that, Abbey.”
I hear her, but now I’m the one feeling a bit confused. “Endured means I lived through it, I persisted. I came through it and survived the heartache. You’re absolutely right. Love can hurt,” she pauses, and another soft sigh comes through the phone.
I think about what she just said. Maybe I’ve looked at this wrong my entire life. “But, Abbey, love can be the most wonderful and beautiful thing. Just think about Rosie and Drew. Think about my love for you or think about all the reasons you fell in love with this man. Those things are good and bright and give you a feeling of warmth. That’s love. Love is always worth the risk.”
The tears are flowing again. I wipe them away on the sleeve of my robe. My mom sits on the other end of the line, silently. She is comforting me by simply being there.
In a quiet whisper, I state my biggest fear of all, “Do I deserve the kind of love that lasts, though?” More tears fall. “Baby, you deserve it more than most. Don’t let me or your father or any other relationship or person in your past or present make you feel unworthy of love. You, my girl, deserve the world. If you don’t believe me, ask Rosie.”
“Mom, I wish you were here so I could hug you,” I tell her.
“Me too, baby. Me too,” she responds, and this time, I hear tears in her voice also. “Abbey, one last piece of advice. If you’ve fallen in love, then this guy must be worthy. He got the girl who doesn’t fall in love to fall in love with him. He must be something special. Take the risk.”
I think of Parker. His handsome face. The way he treats his family and friends, especially his parents. I think of every detail I’ve learned about him and smile through my fear. “Yeah, Mom. He is something special.”
Twenty-Two
PARKER
As I walk through the doors of the chapel, my nerves are on high alert. I’ve been playing all scenarios of coming face-to-face with Abbey through my mind. As if last night wasn’t enough to make this situation awkward, I went and stuck that note on her door. Promising her we could get through this without incidence and focus only on Drew and Rosie. Telling her I would fight for her. A big statement, especially when I’ve acted like such as ass.
Good Lord, Parker. Get your shit together because obsessing over this thing with Abbey isn’t going to help anyone keep their attention on this wedding.
I finally get my thoughts together at the exact same moment as Abbey walks through the door. Our gazes lock. Holy shit, she’s beautiful. “Hey,” my voice croaks out, full of nerves. She gives me a tiny, timid smile. “Hey,” Abbey greets me in return.
A beat of silence plays between us.
“I left you a note,” I blurt out artlessly.
“Yeah, I…uh…I got it,” she tells me.
“Abbey, I…” I begin to say, but she quickly interrupts me. “Not now, Parker,” she says. She looks down at her feet.
