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Always.
Today was the perfect example. Okay, maybe not the best example. But even though I felt like death, I’d show up tomorrow. Showing up meant success.
I should be thrilled.
I had arrived. I made it.
I had everything I ever wanted.
Multiple movie offers and a big-ass mansion in Pacific Palisades. Fast cars. A cook and a housekeeper. A massage therapist and a stylist on call. The adulation of fans and fellow actors.
An empty fucking life that only saw company in the form of my dealer or some escort that I had to pretend to like.
But I couldn’t step off the hamster wheel. I just kept running and running. No matter what role I got offered, it wasn’t enough.
When would it ever be enough?
I was twenty-four going on twenty-five, and so fucking young when I looked in the mirror. And yet, inside, I was beat down. Weary. I felt like seventy, never mind fifty.
I thought I’d left my shitty life back in Alabama years ago. But I was still running.
The only person that had ever managed to still me, was Reed.
My phone rang and I didn’t have the heart—which some would argue I didn’t have to begin with—to ignore him.
“Ree, everything’s all right,” I answered straight away.
“About fucking time you took my call! Are you okay? Where are you?”
Oh God, the sound of his voice made my eyes well up again.
A fierce ache bloomed in my chest.
In the rare moments when I was at home, alone, I’d turn on his TV show just to see his face and hear his voice. Pathetic.
And TV was no match for the real thing.
“I’m at home. Resting.”
Pacing the floors. Climbing the walls.
“I’m coming over.”
“Don’t!” I yelled. “Vic will throw a fit.”
“And he rules your life now?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“He’s a first-rate asshole!” Reed continued. “And a homophobic prick! You deserve better than him.”
I didn’t deserve fuck all.
“You haven’t taken my calls or returned my texts for nearly a year, and I know it’s because of your stupid agent,” Reed bit out. “And then I find out through the Hollywood grapevine that you collapsed on set? What’s going on? Talk to me. Please.”
I let out a breath that was near painful.
Despite feeling like absolute shit, I was relieved that I could finally unburden myself to someone.
