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“But I’ll always have scars. The internalized ones are the worst,” he continued, “The biggest turning point was when I finally told my therapist everything, after my last stint in rehab. I can’t let what happened to me in the past continue to haunt my present. I can’t use coke or anything else to deal with my trauma, and my fear. To pretend to be someone I’m not. I’m not gonna say that coming out will be easy for me. I’ll probably freak out at some point.”
“That’s normal.”
Tate nodded. “It just sucks, you know. Hetero actors never have to prepare a statement about who they are. They don’t have to justify their sexuality.”
“No, they don’t.”
“But coming out means I don’t have to hide anymore, and the fear doesn’t win. And I’m so fucking sick of hearing that man’s voice in my head. He’s been in there for half my life but no more. I need him gone for good.”
Tate’s passionate voice, his fierce expression, it was pure determination.
I looked at him like it was the first time I was seeing him.
He’d opened up in a way that he’d never done before. With a pain that he’d been carrying around for so many years. One that I couldn’t even imagine.
His confiding in me meant everything.
CHAPTER 17
REED
“Thank you for telling me,” I whispered. “For trusting me. I know that wasn’t easy. But I’m really glad you did.”
“Me too.” He nodded and wiped his eyes. “I wanted to tell you years ago, but I just couldn’t do it. I came close a few times but… I wasn’t ready. I was always better at running from my problems than facing them.”
“You were young, Tate.”
“On the surface.”
He bit his lower lip and blinked away more tears.
I took another step closer and gave him a hug, needing to comfort him in whatever way I could.
His body tensed for a moment and then relaxed against mine.
Holding him felt so fucking right.
Tate gripped my waist in return. “So, back to my original question. Are you still concerned about filming together?”
I was, but for reasons that I wasn’t ready to reveal.
“Well, actually—” I started as I reluctantly stepped away from him.
“Because I don’t want to get into a massive argument before our guests arrive.”
“There will be no argument, massive or otherwise,” I countered. “But are you sure you’re still up for having visitors?”
Tate nodded.
“Now more than ever. But can you finish the rest of the dinner prep? I need to go for a swim.”
“Of course.”
Tate walked around me and opened the patio doors, heading straight outside.
I watched as he stripped off his clothes and dove, naked, into my infinity pool.
He swam several laps, then rested for a moment with his hands on the edge of the pool.
