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“No. We can help ourselves, and killing people just because you feel like it needs to stop. You’re ruining everything,” I said.
He went to push the gun away, but I kept it in place. Standing, he pushed the end of the gun into his chest. “It’s addictive… the killing. Soon they’ll all blend together, and you will want to keep doing it. When you become that man, think of me and smile, son. Now do it before I take the gun off you, and put a bullet to your brain. Just remember as you pull that trigger, I love you.”
I didn’t bother asking him if he was speaking the truth. He’d lost all sense of who he was, and I sometimes wondered why I was still alive in this place.
“I love you.”
He nodded his head as I pulled back on the trigger. Falling backward, he landed on his bed, his hand going to his chest where the bullet entered. His door opened and his second in command stepped inside with wide eyes. He raised his gun at me, but before he could do anything he fell to the floor. Carter stood behind him holding a knife which he’d just lodged in his throat.
“Boss,” Carter said with a nod. “Should I call the clean-up crew?”
I nodded and stayed in the room until they arrived.
Carter was the only one to come in, as I sat on the bed next to my father, knowing full well that everything was about to change.
“No one is to come in here. Ever. After this room is cleaned it’s never to be touched again. The rest of the house is yours,” I told Carter.
He nodded as I walked out.
And just like that I had killed my father, and I had become the boss.
All my worst nightmares had just come to life.
29
Isadora
Two months later.
Bella smiles as I walk in, she could light up a room with that smile.
“You’re back. Felt like you’ve been gone for ages,” she says, collapsing onto her bed.
“Only a week,” I tell her touching her hair.
Sharon had a mother which she hardly spoke to who took full custody of Bella. I try to visit her at least once a week, bringing her something special every time.
As soon as I left that day, I went straight to Sharon’s house. Looked around inside until I found her mother’s phone number in a drawer and called her to let her know she’d have to collect Bella today from daycare.
Sharon’s death was deemed an accident, even though I know the truth. The guilt is something I will never be rid of. Ever.
Jasper’s helped with that. I haven’t seen him once in the last two months, but he messages me with words of comfort and sends me things, but he’s not once left my mind.
I like getting to know him in a situation where he doesn’t control the outcome, and his hands don’t make me forget my situation.
The trouble is he’s good at that.
Making me forget.
Heather, well, I haven’t seen her again. And I hope I never do. I never want to take a life again, but hers, I would seriously contemplate killing her.
And the men I murdered, the guilt that resides inside of me because of that, will never die, but I have learned to live with it. It is out of my control, and I was being controlled by someone whose motives weren’t in my best interest. That was hard for me to come to terms with.
“How’s school?” I ask
Bella shrugs her shoulders as a little puppy comes running into the room.
“Who’s this?” I ask, leaning over and picking him up. He licks my face as Bella laughs.
“Jasper got him for me.”
I place the dog down as I look at her. “Jasper?” I ask, confused.
She nods her head. “He said the puppy will make me happy, and he was right. The puppy makes me very happy, but not so much Grandma, when he pees and poos everywhere.” She offers me a small giggle before she goes off chasing him around the room.
Leaving, I check my phone and see a message from him.
It’s time, don’t you think?
My heart rate speeds up at the thought of seeing him again, and what I might feel. My life has changed so much, I no longer have any need for revenge. I don’t think I could do that ever again anyway. It drained me as a person. It took away my identity and majorly interfered with my personality. I’ve been trying to find work, and figure out what I want to do with my life.
My parents wanted me to be a lawyer, but I dedicated my life to avenging them thanks to my uncle.
So, who am I, if I’m not that person?
Who is Isadora? The woman. My identity. My whole self.
I’m still trying to figure out those questions.
