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For the moment.
* * *
It felt entirely wrong to be home without Cam here. I’d showered without him, gotten dressed without him, eaten my low-sodium, healthy meal without him, taken a nap without him, walked past his collar in the hallway, and it was…just less.
Over the past six months, we’d built up such an extensive structure; it’d fused us together. If none of us was working, we were attached at the hip. And he was almost always at home when I was. So…if I was sitting in my reading chair, I wanted to hear him humming to himself in the kitchen—or he was kneeling at my feet and working on next week’s dinner menu. If he had an errand and I wasn’t working, I wanted to drive him. If he had a date with Noa to go dancing, with or without friends, KC and I preferred to wait in the city until they needed to be picked up.
It’d felt so natural too. My dynamic with Cameron might seem intense and bordering on suffocating to some, but to us… If I believed in soul mates, he was mine. Forming our relationship had felt like being reunited with a piece I’d been missing since birth. I loved his perspective on things. I could listen to him for hours and then look at the time and wonder what’d happened.
I loved to watch him in his slave mode with others as well. Archie, Macklin, Tate—most recently, Gael too. Gael wasn’t a slave, but he was a Little with a big love for serving Dean, and Cam hadn’t hesitated to help Gael find a balance.
Merely observing Cam breathed life into me.
And if he felt half that overwhelming amount of love for me… I’d really fucking let him down.
Part of becoming his Master had revolved around tying him to me. He’d thrived on knowing that I would make every decision—because he trusted me to always listen to him, he knew I’d always explain my reasoning if he needed it, and he felt confident that my goal was for the two of us to grow stronger together.
“I want you to be my sun, Sir. Hell, my religion. Every day, I want to ask myself, what does Master want for dinner? What does his schedule look like today? What will he need from me when he gets home?”
We’d explored a level of TPE I’d never experienced before. Neither had he. We’d reached heights together that’d introduced us to mental and emotional orgasms. With him, I’d found out what Top space was all about.
Fuck my life. He had to be so lost. And it was my fault.
I returned to the den, where Noa was cuddled up on KC’s lap in his lounger. They were watching some comedy special on Netflix and seemingly enjoying it.
I slumped down on the couch with a new cup of decaf coffee and checked my phone.
Nine new messages, but none of them was from Cam.
The whole goddamn community knew now.
I opened my group chat with the other Tops who were planning the next Game, and I scowled.
Reese: Copy that. Penelope told me earlier. Lucian’s been removed from the list. Rest up, buddy.
Nathan: Damn. Just heard from Greer’s sub. I hope you’ll recover fast, Lucian. Let me know if you need to talk.
Kingsley: Tate asked if he could get a care package to Lucian. Is anyone heading over there anytime soon?
Lucas: I called KC a while ago, and Kit and I will visit after work tomorrow with Gael and Santiago. Are you available for lunch tomorrow, Kingsley?
Kingsley: Edy’s at noon?
Colt: Fuck. Now I want Edy’s. Luke, remember that I love their rotisserie chicken with fries. I’d head over there myself if Ty weren’t a dictator at work. I might file a restraining order.
Ty: Get back to work, you lazy fuck.
Colt: I forgot you were here. Fuck off, I’m getting Edy’s.
Reese: This is legit the only reason I haven’t turned off notifications on this chat. Never change, Colt.
I tossed the phone back onto the table and folded my arms over my chest.
So now I’d been removed as a volunteer for the event too.
And everyone was getting Edy’s chicken without me.
Noa lifted his head from KC’s shoulder. “Are you mad, Uncle Fragile?”
