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I threaded our fingers together and couldn’t form a word. Though I could guess what Noa’s nightmare had been about—or rather, what outcome reality had been distorted into—I’d had my own dream about Lucian that made me feel discombobulated. Except, mine was a memory of an awful time in both our lives.
Lucian had lost his last parent, and I’d hated going home after school. At seventeen, I’d just started having dreams about guys, and they’d terrified me. Not once had those dreams made me connect the dots in how Lucian and I were the same. Both gay. No, Lucian had been gay, and there’d just been something wrong with me.
As sad as it had been, our tragedies had brought us closer together. We’d chased distractions together at concerts, at the library, at Blockbuster, at the movies… Neither of us had wanted to talk much, but we’d known what was lurking underneath the surface. We’d been each other’s silent support. He’d known I’d despised my parents for many reasons. Their bigotry, their religious fundamentalism, their classism, their arrogance…the list went on.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m okay.” Whether Lucian was saying it to me or to Noa, I didn’t know. I guessed we both needed to hear it. “I think you and Daddy should stay here tonight.”
“Yeah,” Noa whimpered.
No argument from me.
It was a miracle Cam hadn’t woken up, though.
Noa and I got under the covers, and he wanted us to “sandwich me tight,” and that worked for me. The closer I got to Lucian, the better.
“Get some sleep.” He kissed Noa on the forehead, then dropped his head on the pillow, and he glanced at me. “Are you okay?” he mouthed.
Was I?
“Yeah. Just been a rough week.” It was technically true. I could analyze the unease tomorrow.
For now, with all four of us in the same bed, I could take a deep breath and relax.
* * *
Between more visitors coming for Lucian, his doctor’s appointment, Noa’s nightmares, Cam recovering from a brief but rough cold, and adjusting to all our changes, the days blurred together until I woke up on Saturday morning and realized it was Saturday morning.
Jesus.
It was the first time in months I didn’t feel like attending an event at Mclean.
At the same time, I believed it would do us good to get out of the house and see our friends.
After I’d completed my workout in the pool, Lucian had woken up too, and he looked to be at war with the coffee machine.
I tightened my towel around my hips. “Here.” I walked over to him, noticing the filter hadn’t been inserted properly. “Morning.”
“Good morning,” he muttered, kissing my jaw. “Mmm, chlorine.”
I smirked and switched on the machine. “Boys still asleep?”
He nodded. “I can’t help but worry about Noa.”
Same here. The nightmares would go away eventually, but I wished he’d talk about them. He’d told us enough that we knew he kept dreaming about Lucian having a heart attack, and it made the boy understandably clingy. The problem was that he kept his fears to himself and wandered aimlessly around the house with zero energy. He’d barely expressed any excitement about today’s Easter Egg Hunt, about seeing his friends, or about the playtime that would follow. I mean, seeing his Daddy go nuts on another Top was one of his biggest fantasies. Even Cam had been quick to say he wanted to watch.
“I think we should head over to the cabin soon,” I said. “We need a change of scenery. Noa needs to be around friends, you need to be as far away as possible from trying to find your work phone, and Cam?—”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lucian stiffened.
I lifted a brow. “You think I don’t know you’re looking for it?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Did you hide it?”
“Damn fucking right,” I replied bluntly. “I know you. You’ll say something like…you just wanna see if any of your old clients have tried to reach out—and if they have? What difference will it make? Except, it’ll give you more stress. You’ll feel guilty for leaving them without a word, which we both know isn’t true. They’ve known you’ve been intending to leave for a year.”
He frowned and cast a quick glance at the coffee machine. “Can I be part of this conversation, or are you gonna run it from start to finish, line by line?”
I shrugged. “Am I wrong?”
