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“It matters, War. You lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie,” he admitted truthfully.
“You…”
“Kept irrelevant details from you. Merritt is my cousin. I knew who you were, but I really didn’t know shit about you other than basic details. He and I didn’t sit around discussing you or your life on some ‘you got next type of shit’, Cali.”
“But you knew I was important to him, that he cared about me.” Her eyes consumed him, in search of a truth she desperately needed.
“I knew he cared about you, yes.” War purposely left off the part about Cali being important. He couldn’t say for certain her definition of important would match the one Merritt would have used in relation to her. “Everyone has a past, Cali.”
“I get that but this is more than just a past.”
“Let me ask you a question and be completely honest, aight?” Cali frowned but nodded. “Did you ever discuss a future with Merritt?”
She flinched and shook her head.
“Why not, you loved him right?” Although his voice was a low rasp of animosity, War’s demeanor presented as stoically casual. The torturous feeling of jealousy twisted and coiled in his chest but he had to make peace with Cali having cared about his cousin. Past. Future. You couldn’t have one without the other. At least not with the two of them. Merritt was their connection.
“I… yes.”
“Then why didn’t you discuss a future between the two of you? Plan shit?” He stared harshly at Cali, needing to see the truth or possibly the lie.
She knew what he was getting at and as much as it pained her, she offered the truth. “Because he told me not to. He would always say we were temporary and to enjoy things for what they were.”
“Not everything is meant to last. Even if things hadn’t ended with him the way they did, you wouldn’t have survived in anything long term. Eventually you would have realized he was taking more than he was willing to give and that’s not to throw dirt on his name. I knew that nigga better than anyone. I have a feeling you knew him too, which means you understand what I’m saying. I wish he wasn’t a part of our story, trust me, I really fucking do, but he is. I also know it doesn’t matter. When I’m with you, I’m not thinking about how we got here. Merritt was selfish with you, Cali, but so am I. No one exists before me. Not even him. This thing with us is not about your past no matter who it was attached to or how we got here. I love that nigga with everything I am and I always will but when it comes to you, he doesn’t fucking exist.”
“I don’t know how I feel.”
War hardened. He didn’t bother attempting to control the scowl that surfaced. “About the situation or how you feel about me?”
Cali exhaled a sigh. “About the situation. I know how I feel about you.”
“You think about him when you’re with me?” He couldn’t stop himself from asking, knowing the wrong answer would send him down a dark path, but he had to know.
“No.” Cali’s brows pinched and her spine stiffened. “Not like that. You two are similar in a lot of ways but you’re also different in enough ways that being with you isn’t the same. This feels like a freight train, rushing down the tracks with faulty brakes. I don’t know how to stop this and there’s no time to make sense of why I feel you so intensely. Everything about you is so different and new. I’m not trying to replace what I lost with Merritt with you, War.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything, Cali. I’m only asking for clarity. But the accusations don’t feel good, do they?”
His eyes met hers and she felt the weight of the point he was attempting to prove. She had forced accusations on him only a few hours prior.
“You can’t expect me not to consider the possibility.”
“Yeah I can because I’m not that type of nigga, but I understand what you’re saying. Tell me this though. What do you want, Cali?”
“To be happy.” The answer came easily. “And to figure this out with you.”
War barely smiled when he leaned in and rested his forehead against hers. “Do I make you happy?”
“Yes,” she said quietly.
“Then give me the opportunity to continue making you happy. Fuck everything else. All that matters is what you want, what you feel, and most importantly what I’m willing to do to give you what you deserve.”
“That easy, huh?” She grinned, curling her fingers into his jacket and pulling him closer.
“When it comes to you, yes. It’s that fucking easy, Cali.”
“Then let’s make it work.”
