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What a fucking shit show.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ellie
“What?” I shook my head, certain I hadn’t heard correctly, because how in the hell could I have heard? “Could you repeat that?”
Dr. Southerland flashed a sympathetic smile. “I guess that means this pregnancy was unplanned?”
Unplanned? That was the understatement of the fucking year. “No, it wasn’t planned.” It wasn’t planned at all, but looking back on all the times I was naked with Diesel, it wasn’t exactly unplanned either. Sleeping with a man as big and virile as Diesel without a thought of contraception wasn’t exactly smart.
“It happens,” she assured me sincerely. “How have you been feeling?”
I was grateful for the doctor’s lack of judgment. I didn’t need it since I was judging myself harshly. “The nausea is what brought me here, but I’ve also been incredibly tired the past few weeks. I missed a couple of periods, but I was never regular anyway, I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and put it all down to that.”
The doctor gave another sympathetic smile.
“Are you sure it’s a baby?”
Dr. Southerland nodded. “The urine and blood test confirmed it. You’re about thirteen weeks along.”
“Thirteen weeks?” Had it been that long since Diesel came into my life and stole my heart? Rocked my body? As I sat in the paper gown and did the math, it added up to me getting pregnant the very first time we had sex. “Wow.”
“You have options,” she began in a gentle yet professional tone, then launched into all the options available to women these days.
I nodded, barely listening to her information because my mind swirled with too many thoughts to keep track of. I knew I had options, but I was still grappling with the fact that I was pregnant. And not just pregnant, but pregnant by the president of a motorcycle club. He lived a dangerous life, one that meant he was in constant mortal danger that could take him away from me.
Permanently.
“Ellie?”
I blinked, realizing I’d zoned out for far too long. “Sorry, Dr. Southerland. Thank you for the information.”
“You don’t have to decide anything today,” she said in a soft, understanding tone. “How about we make next month’s appointment today, and you cancel if you need to?”
“That sounds great,” I answered robotically.
***
A fog settled around me, making the world fuzzy and quieter as I left the exam room and picked up my appointment card. I barely noticed the sounds of the children playing in the waiting room, the conversation inside the elevator, or the traffic whizzing by just outside the parking lot. None of it registered, which was bad enough considering Diesel still hadn’t said anything about who vandalized my home or if they’d made any progress on finding out what happened to Stacy.
Which, if there was a connection between everything, brought the danger his life was in constantly, front and center. Diesel was the president of Steel Demons MC and every single day he left for work, there was a chance that he wouldn’t come home that night. That’s true for everybody, the part of my brain still capable of logical thought chimed in. You could get hit by a car on your way back home now.
“Shut up,” I hissed into the silent car. My thoughts were overwhelming me and pissing me off at the same time.
I fully recognized that my thoughts were unreasonable, that I couldn’t hold Diesel to a higher standard than every other human on the planet simply because everyone who ever mattered to me in this world managed to leave me behind. My mom left for work one day and never came back. Stacy left the house one morning and years later, she still hadn’t returned. I didn’t even know when my dad left, since I had no memory of him ever being in the picture. My life was a cluster-fuck of unsaid goodbyes and missing persons. I’d been raised by my poor, barely legal sister, and at the age of eighteen I’d had to raise her son. Just how far did this curse plan to extend itself?
“Shit,” I grumbled as I slid behind the steering wheel and laid my head back. Was I ready to be a mother again? A mother of two small children? Was Diesel ready to be a father again when he was just starting to get to know his son? Should I even tell Diesel I was pregnant? Would he want to know?
What if he doesn’t want another baby?
“Double shit.” Did my thoughts mean I had already decided that I was having this baby? The thought wasn’t as scary as it should have been, which in itself was terrifying.
“Holy fuck!” A knock on my window scared me out of my thoughts and instinctively I reached for the pepper spray inside my purse. “Gio,” I opened the driver’s side window to see what the young prospect wanted. Fuck. So much for having time to think, before I told Diesel—his little minion would be reporting my trip to the clinic back to him.
“Are you okay, Ellie?” His brows dipped in concern, and he examined my face a little too closely. “I’ve been knocking for a couple of minutes.”
My gaze narrowed. “You followed me.”
