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I couldn’t believe I’d done that. That I’d tasted him. That I’d made him…
Reyna’s cackle reverberated in my bones, sending a chill down my spine. She strode to the door, her skirt breezing past where I sat. “I think you’ve had enough fun for one night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ladon
Water slid down my back, swirling in a circle before it disappeared into the drain. I sat on the tiled floor in the shower, ridding my body of the filth I felt. Ridding my mind of the cursed images.
Reyna’s hands on my body. Emilie on her knees.
I wanted to disappear. I don’t think I’d ever been so mortified in my life. I thought I could handle this. The endless torture Reyna subjected me to—I could’ve gotten through it. But having Emilie present? Having her participate?
I didn’t think I could ever look at her the same.
I tucked my head between my knees and rested my arms over the back of my head. The water turned colder the longer I sat, but I didn’t want to move. I wanted it to turn freezing, to numb my body.
At least some part of me could be numb to the pain.
“Ladon?” Emilie’s voice was quiet, almost indiscernible through the sound of the shower.
I jerked my head up, expecting to see her, but she was out of sight. Giving me my privacy, I suspected. I heard what sounded like her body sliding down the wall, on the other side of the small wall that separated the shower and the rest of the bathroom.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I didn’t know how to answer that. If I admitted I wasn’t okay, then I felt weak. But if I said I was okay, then I was unfeeling. And then there was Emilie. How did she feel?
The number of times I’d failed to protect her was becoming too much to count.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and I heard a faint tremble in her voice.
It was enough to make me stir. To slide across the floor from my spot in the corner and lean against that shared wall opposite her. I could sense her just on the other side.
I swallowed the knot in my throat. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I feel…I feel disgusted. I did things…assaulted you.”
My stomach lurched forward. “You didn’t have a choice. We didn’t have a choice. This isn’t your burden to bear.”
“It isn’t yours either, Ladon.”
Logically, I knew she was right, but there was still a large part of me that blamed myself for everything that had happened since we’d left Renoa. The title of High Commander felt like a joke, a mockery of what I’d become.
There was a shuffling noise and then the sound of retching over a toilet. I sighed, turning off the water and picking up my discarded pants and quickly pulling them on. I couldn’t hide here forever, no matter how much I wanted to.
Emilie was heaving into the basin. I poured a glass of water and gave it to her. “Are you okay?”
She looked up at me with tear-filled eyes, and I knew the answer immediately. I knelt so I was on her level and held her chin between my thumb and forefinger, my eyes darting back and forth between hers. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for this.”
“I feel”—she searched for the word, her bottom lip trembling—“violated.”
I slouched to the ground, leaning my head on the cabinet under the sink. Emilie followed suit and sat with her arm pressed against mine. I didn’t snap at her. I’d grown used to the feel of her skin in the past several weeks. Although, the feel of a different touch, her hand around my cock, her lips…
Fuck, I was not ready to think about that. I wasn’t ready to think about what it meant…that although it had been against my will, I’d enjoyed it. The sight of her on her knees looking up at me through dark lashes…I hated myself for even picturing it. That was a memory best tucked into the deepest corners of my mind.
I reached for her hand, gently trailing the black vines etched in her skin. The ones that matched mine and dictated our actions. A tingling sensation coursed through my fingertips. She shivered too, as if she’d felt it.
“Tell me something honest,” she said, leaning her head on my shoulder. Her warmth sank into me, battling the icy cold numbness I’d sought in the shower.
