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Sadness washed over her. “I guess that's why you never wrote to me.”
He winced. “When I left, you were a child. I suppose I didn't think you would appreciate a letter.” He paused before adding, “I always sent you a card on your birthday.”
Since she was already being truthful, she decided to go all the way. Consequences be damned. “By the time you returned to see Balefire, I was delusional enough to think you would take one look at me and know we were soul mates.”
He leaned back in his chair, his expression sober. “You were a kid.”
“Not in my mind.” She touched a tentative hand to her chest. “Not in my heart.”
“I was focused on Balefire.”
“After I kissed you and you said those awful things to me, I took a good look at myself. I thought I wasn't pretty enough for you. My hair was shorter than most of the boys around here, and I didn't wear girly clothes or—”
“That wasn't—”
“I know that now,” she said, interrupting him. “But back then I thought it was because you couldn't be attracted to a tom-boy. So I made changes after you left. I grew out my hair, started wearing make-up, and I wore dresses whenever Big Jim threw a party. I used to fantasize you would walk in some night, surprising everyone, and fall in love with me on sight.”
“That wasn't why—”
“The joke was on me, though.” A bitter laugh escaped her lips. “I overheard some of the workers talking about me and how I was trying to act like a girl. They laughed about how I looked in the dress that I was so proud of, the dress I thought was so pretty on me.” She made fists beneath the table, fighting against the memory. “I put the dress in the trash that night. Later, Simon found me crying in the barn. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him.”
“I hope he made you feel better.”
She scoffed. “He told me the truth, what I needed to hear. He told me that no man wanted a woman who could ride better, shoot better, or play poker better than them.”
Jared cursed, startling her. “My brother is an idiot.”
“No. He was right. That night I realized I needed to be myself. I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not just to please some guy.”
“Good for you.” Jared nodded. “Glad to hear you didn't let their macho bullshit make you into less than what you are.”
“Don't worry about me. I learned my lesson. I don't need a man for anything.”
“Well…” He tilted his head to the side, and a naughty grin showcased his perfect smile.
“I don't.” She glared at him, knowing his mind immediately went to the gutter. He was thinking she needed a man for sex. “I don't need any of them. I especially don't need you.” She jumped up from the table, and he was right there with her, blocking her exit. “I don't need your full lips or your stormy gray eyes or your rock-hard abs.”
“You're right. You don't need me...” He smirked. “But you want me.”
“Do not.”
“I don't need your full, pouty lips on mine or those long legs wrapped around my waist, either. But I dream about it.”
She choked on her own saliva. “W-what? You don't think...” She rolled her eyes and tried to push him away. “Stop making fun of me.”
“I'm not. I'm agreeing with you. You don't need me, and I sure as hell don't need you in my life. You are stubborn and wild and have this I-hate-men thing going on. It works for you. Makes me want you more.”
“You want me?” she asked, breathless already.
“I want to taste that beautiful mouth of yours.” He leaned closer. “I want to know if I was just drunk on grief that night in the barn or if you kiss like a house on fire.”
She gasped. “You kissed me in the den the other day.”
“I caught you off guard,” he said. “And we were both angry. You weren't into it, so it wasn't like the night in the barn. This time, I want you to kiss me. Kiss me like you did that night.”
She swallowed hard, and her gaze dropped to his mouth. Years ago, she'd sworn she would never kiss him again. The fear of rejection had her heart beating like a steel drum. She moved closer and lifted her face, finally ready to take a chance.
It quickly became obvious that he wasn't going to do anything. When he said he wanted her to kiss him, he meant it. Although she was tall for a girl, she had to stand on her tip-toes to reach his lips. He didn't even bother to lean his head forward to make it easier.
