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“So Milo…he’s…?”
“He’s a pirate. He was.” The words felt foreign on my tongue, but it was far from the strangest of things I’d said lately. She didn’t say any more, so I sat there in silence with her as the boat rocked us gently.
As I sat there thinking how I’d hidden the truth from her, I understood why Milo had hidden the note from me. He wanted to protect me. Just like I wanted to protect McKenzie. But now it had only hurt the both of us. And somewhere in the back of my head I hadn’t been able to turn off the ever-present echo of Cordelia’s bell-like warning.
“Always the guilty one…He’ll use you like James used me…you’ll see how filthy his soul is.”
What had she meant? And how could I ever truly know? Milo could hide centuries of himself from me and I would never know it. Even if he truly was different now…what was he really? Who was he once upon another time? And did it even matter?
With these thoughts heavy as an anchor in my soul, I gave McKenzie’s hand a squeeze and then stood to go, grabbing a wool blanket on the way out.
Back out on the deck, Noah kept his distance from Milo, but continued watching him like a hawk. It was cold out, and I knew Milo must’ve been freezing by now. Clutching the blanket in my hand, I found my feet taking me back to the control cabin.
I didn’t speak a word as I draped the blanket across Milo’s strong shoulders. I knew I should say something, but I just didn’t know what.
“You’re taking care of me, now.” A ghost of vapor formed in front of his mouth as he spoke.
“We take care of each other.” I corrected. The corner of his lips lifted into a smirk.
There was a long stillness before I noticed the compass in his hand.
“Does the boat’s GPS work okay?” I asked. I felt him follow my gaze to the compass
“It works just as it should. But I never sail without this, no matter the century.”
I should’ve known that. I knew his father had given it to him as he took his last breaths after Valdez shot him. That’s what he’d told me. It was more to him than just a compass. As I studied the old tool intensely from where I stood, I didn’t expect Milo to start speaking again.
“But right now, I have no need of a compass to tell me that something doesn’t feel right between us.” He turned to me keeping one hand on the wheel.
“Things are just a little intense right now. A lot of stress.” I spoke fast, trying to suppress the nerves bubbling up within me.
“Well, I don’t want to be just another thing that’s causing you stress. Is this still about the note?” My thoughts flashed back to Cordelia, as if she was standing right there beside me whispering in my ear like some devil on my shoulder.
“You’ll see how filthy his soul is…You’ll see through his façade soon enough.”
With a shake of my head, I rubbed my eyes as I searched for my next words. I chose them carefully and spoke them as confidently as I could manage. “No, I love you, Milo. I get why you hid the note. I understand why you thought stealing the ship was a good idea. I know why you do the things you do. I think I do, at least. But sometimes I just feel like there’s so much of you I’ll never know. You lived a whole lifetime before this. And for some reason that’s never scared me until now.”
“Then I’m glad it’s not just me who feels we are sinking.” His words struck my heart like a harpoon, and I wished I knew how to bring us both back to the surface.
9
All Hands On Deck
Milo
The grip of the wheel in my hand was the only thing grounding me as I stood with Katrina’s molten eyes pleading with my soul. I always feared one day she would wake up and realize the man she was in love with wasn’t worth her devotion. But I suppose I always hoped a fear was all it would ever be.
“You’re right to wonder who I was, Katrina. But I can’t change the things I’ve done under Valdez’s command. I regret them. And I’ve repented of them as best I can.”
“What about before Valdez? Who were you before you joined his crew?”
“I…I was just a boy. An apprentice with my father. Learning his trade. Mourning his mother.” I let go of the wheel and stepped toward her gently. As I closed the distance between us, I touched her chin. “Don’t start doubting me. Please. Not when we’ve just begun.”
“I’m sorry.” She squeezed her eyes shut, as though snapping out of some sort of deep daydream. “I don’t know why I keep thinking about it so much. Maybe it’s just the possibility that we might have the FBI waiting for us when we get back. It’s not exactly easy to relax.”
“That’s not going to happen.” I wrapped the blanket around us both and pulled us close. “And if it does, you know I’ll keep you out of it.”
I stared out the window, watching the blue grey water stretch before us as the boat tore through it at full speed. This was the first time in a while that I’d sailed in open water during the day like this, knowing there was nothing ahead and nothing below for leagues. A shiver met my spine as all at once I was back on Valdez’ ship again, only for a split second, binding the hands of mermaids and dragging them to their temporary holds beneath the ship. I barely remembered it. I’d black out during those moments to keep myself from succumbing to insanity from the guilt. I’d often vomit afterwards, unable to eat for days. But I couldn't forget their cries and the blood-soaked deck as Valdez’ men cut out their tongues to keep them from singing their songs. And worst of all I couldn't forget how powerless I was to do anything about it.
